Jore October 3rd (after the Prostitute thing)

 

I am aghast that you are SUV, I can't believe for a second that you cannot try a case when the law says that it's still rape even if we were in a relationship.

 

I also cannot believe that you, with your experience let your boss compare me to a whore.

 

Here is the backstory for you. Maybe if you had asked an actual psychopathic serial rapist would be in jail.

 

In 2014, I came to Vegas. Teach for America, I picked the highest need district and subject, special ed. I was empowered I left my physically abusive ex-husband who broke my bones. I had 3 kids I drove a minivan I was a stay-at-home mom for like 10 years. I had been through physical abuse. I had been through sexual abuse. I had gotten over a cocaine problem and my life was starting fresh.

 

I couldn't hang. Everyone back home told me I couldn't do it. My mom was so angry at me for leaving and just kept telling me I was going to fail. My dad, the Georgetown-educated attorney who worked in banking law at the FDIC for 45 years told me I was going to fail, as usual. See, I am a failure. I can't handle things. 

 

By January of my first year of teaching, I attempted suicide. I called a friend and they called the cops and I am on a psych hold. They took my kids and gave them to my abusive ex-husband. They pulled them from school and sent them to foster care, because I "abandoned them" I had arranged for a friend to get them from school, didn't matter my kids went to foster care, just like I had when I was a kid. May the circle be unbroken, right? 

 

So here I am, It is 2015, and I almost died from a serious medical problem like a week later (not related, severe pancreatitis). I left the hospital and hopped a plane to Maryland where the custody case had jurisdiction for an emergency hearing. They said I was unfit. They said that despite this man beating me and admitting in court that he had grabbed me by the throat and slammed my head against the wall while I was holding our newborn the day I came home from the hospital after my c-section, if "it were that bad, I would have gone to the police." The judge said that. He got custody of my kids, And They had been my everything, I didn't know what life was without kids. I got pregnant with my oldest when I was 15. Kids were all I knew. 

 

In comes Brian 2, a physicist. Perhaps if I weren't so broken I wouldn't have gone for it. He told me if I listened to everything he said to do, that he could get my kids back. He told me he was sane and normal and was established and we could get married and gets my kids back. Of course, I married him.

 

Spoiler, never got the kids back, The youngest I a senior in high school. He was in 1st grade when I lost him. none of them are speaking to me now. I lost my older two over the Dr, Light issue, and my youngest, {L}, my baby had to go back to his dad's this summer due to the circumstances because I really thought {D} was going to come to my house and murder me. {L} won't speak to me now. 

 

Back to Brian 2 so it was just a lot of sex at first, that's okay. There was a book, We had a scoreboard above the bed of how many times we had sex that month and if my numbers were off, I would have a problem. The stuff from the board went into the book which would then be compared to the previous month's numbers and now it's 5 times a day. I am not allowed to wear clothes or be alone or even leave the house. I couldn't shower alone. I would run, like just run, and try to barricade the door and hide in the closet just so I could have a second to prepare myself for what was about to happen. I got raped in walk-in closet more times than I care to remember, 

 

Then, I got sick and it got worse because now I am at home all the time, and I am dependent upon this man. I was in and out of the hospital, The kicker, the medical issue? Neurological motion disorder unspecified type. No diagnosis. I just couldn't control my body and It would just start moving and I could walk and I could work. I just my body took control of my body and what was left, he took control of. 

 

So, in July 2018 my grandma was dying. She was 88 and it was hospice and I had to go. He refused to let me leave. I wouldn't have tried if it weren't for my grandma. But I had to go, that is family and I've never had much family. So he did what any sane rational psychopath would do and he called the cops told them I was threatening myself and him with a gun and had me put on a psych hold. The problem was there was no gun because we didn't have one in the house because of a previous suicide attempt in 2017 when I put the shotgun in my mouth and pulled the trigger. God has a sick sense of humor because it didn't go off. But, that's why there was no gun in the house, seemed like we were asking for trouble. 

 

SO Metro all of them like 5-6 cars show up at my house and I have no idea why, I will admit I was in the backyard setting my wedding album on fire in the grill when the cops showed up. I was angry and defiant so they didn't listen when I said he was making it and told them what was happening and why I was leaving including the rape. So like I don't know 6 metro officers dragged me to the ambulance kicking and screaming and begging. Poof I was gone.

 

The hospital was a true joy. There was this one guy who would stand over my bed when I was asleep and jack off on me.

 

I went to stay with my oldest child down near UNLV until she was just sick of all it. Then I lived in my car. This is the period when I met {D}. That was 6 years ago. {D} was very controlling and he was also very dismissive. We went out on 3 dates, the first one he got into an argument that I really thought was going to be physical with a woman. Still went out with him again. Third, he made me promise I would see him again, I promised than I never heard from him. A couple of years later, he found me again, This time something happened the day we were supposed to go out and I had to cancel. Then another year he found me again. This time we date a little more, not a relationship with friends with benefits. He said he didn't want a relationship. Then one night I texted him and he said he couldn't see me anymore because he is in a relationship. I was angry and hurt and I realized he wanted a relationship, just not with me. A year goes by, and he finds me again. He has created this Tinder bio about how he just got out of a relationship and he didn't want anything serious, I rage-swiped on him, I assumed he would not have swiped on me, but we matched and I was angry. I immediately messaged him and asked him if he remembered who I was, He said of course I remember you, Katie. and then the bio part of tinder profile disappeared. He had put it there for me to see. Of course, I saw him again. I was very arm's length though, I had feelings for him and I didn't want to get hurt. I always said I would fall in love with him for 3 days after I saw him then I would remember what an asshole he was, 

 

This was 2022 I think, so we have been seeing sporadically each other in a non-dating manner since then. Then I got sick again. This time my body instead of just moving, I was tightening, All of my muscles tightened up. My chest muscles tighten around my lungs. I couldn't;t move and couldn't talk and my face was contorted but I was at work and everyone freaked out because it was disturbing to see someone's face contort like that. So I was trying to make everyone feel better because that's what I do. I was in full panic because I was now feeling what my actual death would feel like, This was October 2023. I went to the doctor and again, issues with a diagnosis of "rare form of ALS." This was my future, Called the parents and let them know my instructions for when to take me off the ventilator because I don't want to die like that. 

 

I went off the rails. I had barely been hanging for the prior 5 years. Drugs? Hadn't done them in a decade. Sex? I slept with 30 men in one week in November. Got fired from work because I was on drugs and wasn't showing up a lot. Completely off the rails.

 

In December, I went to outpatient all-day intensive therapy. Talked about the drugs and the sex and this guy asked me for a ride home and in car he force my hand onto his dick. I just fought him off and drove. Forced him out of the car at his house. 

 

Then, I was so lonely and sad and just alone, that this guy who had been stalking me for 3 years texted me every single day for 3 years. I never responded. But I finally went "You know, he has been trying so hard, maybe he really does care about you." So I texted back and we went on a date. He was a metaphysical crystal healer named Brad. He told me He had been obsessed with me because I was some sort of warrior fairly healing deity. He told me he wanted to do a crystal healing on me. Sure, so he takes me to a storage unit. Inside that unit, he has built a soundproof room. I followed him in willingly. I am not sure why I survived that. Nor is my therapist who told me that he was pretty sure he built the room for me and I would be dead if I hadn't slept with him willingly.

 

There is a text exchange with {D} about this incident where he says something like "Well obviously he didn't rape you, no one would ever have to." That was a week before the night in question.

 

In the middle of that chaos you watched he told me he loved me. You do SVU, you know what that is, right? And you know I fell for it, right? You know. I know you know. 

 

He was so scary that night. {D} was a boxer in college, He would constantly tell me about how he could "drop me," His eyes, you've met real psychopaths before. The eyes, when they change? That was what he looked like that night. We were all on coke and weed so my generally poor decision-making was so much worse that night, 

 

And then we went home together and he was actually wonderful to me sexually, Like did not hurt me. Rape is about control and he had that. I followed him around like a puppy. I did anything he told me to, I rubbed his feet, did his laundry, and cleaned his condo. But, he always had to get a dig in. He loved me, but not as much as a former girlfriend. I had rules of when I could text and when we could see each other there were rules for everything,  If I didn't follow the rules he would threaten to leave me. It was all push-pull all the time. I kept telling him he was destabilizing me and he kept doing it. One time he left me in the garage at his condo for like 5 hours waiting for him. 

 

I knew he was seeing someone else. I decided I was going to suck it up and deal with it because he loved me. Then something happened at work. I do recruiting for college athletics with a recruiting platform. I talk to student-athletes all day. I do interviews to see if they might be qualified to be college athletes, So, I am talking to this girl in Iowa, and her mom is telling me that she is taking all of her junior year over the summer so she can graduate early because they are about to let her rapist out of prison and she wants to be on the other side of the country when that happened. All she had ever wanted was to cheer for the local college. She wanted to go to college for counseling so she could help other victims. I proceeded to spend the rest of my day finding her a college and giving her something my company calls an "All In Award" which is a $5000 scholarship from my company directly.

 

I cried for the rest of the day. I watched the videos and I realized what I was looking at. I knew but I didn't know. I am unrapable, everyone says that.

 

I was in a room with 3 men, a friend of 10 years, my then new boyfriend, and {D} I had known 6. I have had multiple before. Never an issue, no one has ever pushed a boundary. I had told myself prior that I needed to start using my 'big girl voice' and actually say no when I did not want people touching me in ways I did not like. That night? This first time I used my big girl voice. I figured before I just wasn't saying no enough. Like obviously everything that had happened up until then I was to blame for. I hadn't stopped them. But now, I was going to use my voice. I said no. I said stop, I begged. I didn't expect them not to stop if I really used my voice. You saw how that worked out for me.

 

So yeah, let Wolfson know, next time I will charge them money so you prosecute. 

 

So, Nevada is now 0-3 on protecting from sexual assault, even when I was 5 back in Reno (my mom had moved there to get a quickie divorce in 84 I think). 

 

So, I don't know what to do now. God that is hard to hear after I literally had to have the police confirm and I asked them a dozen times that day "Is that really rape?" Then the Friday they removed him from his office? He texted me that they had taken him from the office and that he had left his tamale on his desk. At the same time, I am getting a phone call from the victim advocate who is telling he IS currently being arrested. And I told her that he was texting me, how does he still have his phone if he was arrested. She said it will happen shortly. He texted me the rest of the night and the weekend, Then I talked to them on Monday and the police said it was a jurisdictional issue with metro, and that he would be charged shortly. A week or whatever because time doesn't;t exist in my world anymore I then was told that you had declined the charges. 

 

I texted {D} and asked him to go ahead with the murder-suicide he had threatened me with repeatedly. He would get really drunk and spiral and tell me he was going to get his dad's service revolver from the closet and kill us both. I will admit I wanted him to, at least I would die quickly and with someone who loved me. I spent most of July texting him every night to just come over and do it. I left the door unlocked for him. Then when I realized he wasn't going to, I decided I needed to do it myself. I actually went over plans with him. Like, I could jump, can't do pills I will throw up, been there, don't have a weapon but I could probably buy one. I decided to jump. I was going to get a room at Oyo and jump because they have little balconettes. I was scared so I did the math to see how long I would have before I hit the ground. It was like 2.5 seconds, That is actually a lot of time and it terrified me what the last thought I would have in those 2 seconds would be, 

 

So now I just stay in bed. I work here I eat here I have a 2'x4' space on my bed where I live, or whatever what I am now is doing. {D} texted me all day. He has the flu today. Fever is really high. I told him to take some Tylenol and where the soup was in his kitchen. He texts me when his tummy hurts and just when he is bored and reminds me of what I have done to him. He gets insanely jealous of my male friends. He needs me, like a security blanket, so I don't want to cut him off. I did so much to him and apparently he didn't even do anything wrong. So I am letting him keep his control. 

 

I don't mean to take this out on you. I just thought this time someone was going to do something about it,