Why Many Survivors Delay Reporting Relationship Rape

Survivors of relationship rape frequently wait until after the romantic relationship has ended before recognizing or reporting the assault. This delay stems from psychological, emotional, and situational complexities inherent to abuse within intimate partnerships—meaning such delays are not signs of dishonesty, but reflections of the trauma itself.

Lack of Immediate Recognition

Research by DiLillo et al. (2018) suggests that people assaulted by intimate partners are significantly less likely to recognize the event as rape at the time compared to those assaulted by strangers or acquaintances.¹ Unacknowledged rape—experiencing sexual violence without labeling it as rape—can persist for years, often until survivors gain distance from the relationship or receive validation from external sources.²

Reporting Often Comes Later

Delays in reporting to law enforcement are common. A CUNY-based study found that among sexual assault cases involving known perpetrators, 39.8% were reported late, compared to just 15% of stranger-perpetrated cases.³ This pattern indicates survivors who know their assailant—especially intimate partners—tend to delay reporting significantly more.

While exact U.S. statistics are limited, national surveys like the NISVS reinforce that more than 50% of female rape survivors identify a current or former partner as the perpetrator.⁴ Other sources show that, across all rapes in the U.S., only about 31% are reported—with partner-perpetrated cases falling well below that average.⁵

Why Delays Happen

Delays aren’t about reluctance—they’re about trauma. Factors contributing to postponed reporting include:

  • Cognitive dissonance: Survivors may believe that because their partner was trusted or loved, consent was implied—even when it was not. This makes acknowledgment feel impossible.⁶
  • Coercive dynamics: Fear, emotional manipulation, and trauma bonding make resistance—and recognition—harder.
  • Fear of consequences: Concerns about stigma, family disruption, financial fallout, or lack of evidence may prevent timely reporting.⁷

The Impact of Delay

Delayed reporting can lead to loss of crucial evidence (such as forensic possibilities), weaker legal cases, and prolonged psychological suffering. However, the timing of a report is not a measure of credibility. In fact, delayed disclosure is more commonly a sign of ongoing emotional entanglement or unresolved trauma—not deception.

References

  1. David DiLillo et al., “Characterizing Sexual Violence in Intimate Relationships: A Qualitative Study of Women’s Experiences,” Journal of Interpersonal Violence 33, no. 9 (2018): 1403–1423.
  2. Lahiz P. Tavarez, “Waiting to Tell: Factors Associated with Delays in Reporting Sexual Violence” (PhD diss., CUNY, 2021).
  3. Ibid.
  4. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey (NISVS): 2015 Data Brief (Atlanta: CDC, 2018).
  5. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey (NISVS), and Bureau of Justice Statistics, “Rape and Sexual Assault Victimization,” 2015.
  6. DiLillo et al., “Characterizing Sexual Violence…”
  7. Tavarez, “Waiting to Tell…”