What Is Relationship Rape?
Relationship rape—also called intimate partner rape or partner sexual assault—occurs when one person in a romantic or sexual relationship forces, coerces, or manipulates the other into unwanted sexual activity. It remains one of the most common yet least understood forms of sexual violence.¹
This type of assault often goes unrecognized due to widespread myths that normalize or excuse sexual violence within intimate relationships. Being in a romantic or domestic partnership does not imply automatic consent. When consent is withdrawn, ignored, or never freely given, it constitutes rape—even within the context of love or long-term commitment.
Consent Does Not Disappear in a Relationship
The majority of sexual assaults are committed by someone known to the victim—frequently a spouse, partner, or ex.² Yet, survivors of relationship rape often struggle to be believed or even to define their experiences as assault.
Consent must be freely given, enthusiastic, and revocable at any time. It cannot be assumed based on past sexual activity, relationship status, or emotional intimacy.³ Love, cohabitation, or commitment do not eliminate the need for continuous and unambiguous consent.
How Relationship Rape and Domestic Violence Overlap—and Differ
Relationship rape and domestic violence often occur together, but they are not the same. Understanding the similarities and differences between the two is critical for accurate advocacy, legal response, and survivor support.
Both forms of abuse are driven by an imbalance of power and control and may involve emotional, physical, or psychological manipulation. Sexual assault may occur alongside physical or emotional abuse, and victims of both may stay in the relationship due to fear, financial dependence, trauma bonding, or concern for children. These types of violence are often dismissed or minimized by society and institutions, leading to underreporting and lack of adequate response.
However, there are important distinctions. Relationship rape specifically involves non-consensual sexual activity by a current or former partner, while domestic violence encompasses a broader range of abusive behaviors—such as physical harm, emotional control, psychological abuse, and financial manipulation. Relationship rape may occur without visible injuries or physical violence, whereas domestic violence often includes clear physical signs like bruises or threats of bodily harm. Legal systems tend to require proof of force or resistance to prosecute relationship rape, which is a much higher bar than many domestic violence statutes, which are more broadly recognized and enforced. Relationship rape is frequently dismissed if the survivor stayed with or returned to the perpetrator, while domestic violence—although also frequently misunderstood—is more widely acknowledged in both public discourse and the justice system.
Recognizing how the two forms of abuse overlap and diverge helps ensure more accurate legal classifications, more inclusive survivor services, and more effective public policy.
Legal Recognition Still Falls Short
Although marital rape is illegal in all 50 U.S. states,⁴ enforcement is inconsistent. Some jurisdictions still require proof of physical resistance or threats.⁵ In cases involving emotional coercion, verbal manipulation, or implied threats, prosecution is often declined.
Legal codes in several states still include exemptions or limitations based on marital status, making it more difficult to file charges or secure convictions. These legal gray areas send a damaging message: that rape within a relationship is somehow less serious—or not rape at all.
Psychological and Social Barriers
Survivors of relationship rape frequently face internal and external barriers to naming what happened. Emotional manipulation, fear of retaliation, trauma bonding, and self-blame are common. Survivors may minimize the event, question whether it was really rape, or feel guilt over maintaining the relationship.
Even when survivors recognize the violation, they often hesitate to report it due to fear of not being believed, concerns about family disruption, shame, or lack of institutional support. Mental health outcomes for survivors of relationship rape include post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation.⁶ Yet without proper recognition, many never receive treatment or justice.
Moving Toward Recognition and Reform
Addressing relationship rape means changing both laws and cultural narratives. This includes removing legal exemptions that protect perpetrators based on relationship status, educating the public on what consent really means—even inside relationships, training law enforcement and legal professionals to identify coercion and sexual violence within domestic settings, and expanding survivor services to include relationship rape as a distinct and valid form of assault.
Above all, it requires affirming that survivors of relationship rape deserve to be believed, supported, and protected—no matter their relationship to the perpetrator.
References
- Patricia Tjaden and Nancy Thoennes, Extent, Nature, and Consequences of Intimate Partner Violence: Findings from the National Violence Against Women Survey (U.S. Department of Justice, 2000).
- Bureau of Justice Statistics, “Criminal Victimization, 2019,” U.S. Department of Justice.
- RAINN, “What Consent Looks Like,” https://www.rainn.org/articles/what-is-consent.
- National Sexual Violence Resource Center (NSVRC), “Marital Rape Laws,” https://www.nsvrc.org/statistics.
- Legal Momentum, “Where Do the 50 States Stand on Marital Rape?” https://www.legalmomentum.org.
- American Psychological Association, “Understanding the Impact of Trauma,” https://www.apa.org/topics/trauma.