I’ve been kind of iffy about what I should and shouldn’t write about recently. With the hearing and the lawyer, I’m worried my little social healing experiment here is a lot less open than it should be. I’m feeling like it’s all very gotcha bullshit. Maybe that’s what happens when healing becomes entertainment—when I start watching myself heal instead of just doing it.
The poor decision-making abounds today. I’m talking to {D2} and {MC} tonight, in addition to LawyerBoy. Boys are confusing as hell. And by boys, I mean men in their 40s, 50s… sometimes 60s.
OMG guys, counterterrorism is so fucking precious. It’s like they’re just endearingly inept or something. I thought they went away — they didn’t. Must have been on vacay for a week. But this week, they’re hitting me from the East Coast.
I had a conversation last night with a criminal defense attorney. It began as a discussion about charging children as adults, brain development, and systemic issues in society when determining guilt or punishment. I always argue against charging children as adults. They don’t have a fully developed prefrontal cortex and do not have impulse control. Plus, testosterone levels fluctuate, and testosterone causes aggression.
Happy spooky day, motherfuckers! In addition to Halloween it is also Nevada Day! We like to show our state pride on this whatever-anniversary by dressing like hookers, because, well, it’s Nevada: the only place with legal prostitution, gambling, and nuclear waste. As you all know I am a huge fan of the state of Nevada, especially our elected officials. Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
Sorry for not posting last night. Y’all are like stray cats I didn’t put food out for. I had other commitments. I did start my new job and it’s awesome. I don’t know how or when I’m going to fuck it up, but you know I will. “Consummate fuck-up” is a good descriptor for me.
I’ve been looking over the course of the last year, and I see where I have improved and where I haven’t improved and, in some cases, might have gotten worse. Trying to gauge and monitor your mental health is always difficult.
I am feeling uneasy today. Things have been weird all day, and I don’t know if it’s just in my head, but I feel something bad on the brink. I’m also having serious doubts about this blog.
I’m still cautiously optimistic, but they haven’t been surveilling the blog for about a week. Last time they were, another came on, looked at it briefly, and poof—no more. I believe somewhere between the threats about saving the screen-session videos where I directly talk about wanting to die and suicide for my child so they sue them when I kill myself, might have something to do with it. Or it’s after telling me there was no record whatsoever of Counterterrorism or the Fusion Center investigating me, and then me sending them the email from the public records I got showing they were. They said they’ll get me something in November now.
So last night I was Sylvia Plathing up in this motherfucker so hard. Typing my little heart out as I sobbed, self-doubt and self-loathing oozing out of every pore.
I guess I have to fucking write something tonight. We have a Prove Up Hearing date of December 3, 2025. Follow along closely with me here, I might be crazy or I’m not and I’m not sure which.
I’m having a mostly good day except for the ear infection. They finalized the job and I start on the 29th. I’m pretty excited. I’ll be making more money, which I need, so that’s good.
Through this blog, I aim to share my thoughts, reflections, and experiences as I navigate through this challenging time. I hope that my story can resonate with others who have gone through similar situations.
If you or someone you know is going through a similar experience, remember that you are not alone. Reach out for help and support. Together, we can overcome.
