I find myself arguing my own sanity far too often for my own comfort. That seems to be the go to in all of this, I should be ignored because I am “crazy” or “unwell” or “unhinged” or “unstable.” I can’t be trusted because crazy people clearly make shit up. Okay let’s have a little discussion here.
I took 60 hours of psych in UG then another 12 in grad school. My degrees are in history; I just took way too much psych. I find it fascinating and relatable. I like understanding why I’m doing what I do. Being as I have the issues of major depressive disorder and complex PTSD, sometimes my thoughts and actions don’t fully make rational sense to me either. I need to rationalize so I can correct when necessary.
Things are off today. I filed a bunch of answers to answers, and I don’t know what I’m doing or if I did it right. This is why the disbarment thing upsets me so much. I don’t want to do this on my own.
I just had to file this. I swear to god. also, memes.
Dear god, I hate communicating with {D}’s lawyer. First off, she is just a stupid fucking cunt. Second, she is completely unprofessional. I don’t fully grasp her hostility toward me unless my theory on how {D} knows her was correct. I would also place money on the idea that she was never planning to be the attorney of record; she was just there to drag it out and fuck with me. Now she is a little pissed I went after her with that notice of improper communication. Oh well, fuck her.
I’m having a rough evening tonight. I had a date and couldn’t get out of bed. While that’s usually how men like me, I literally couldn’t get in the shower and go. So I’ve been chatting with my AI therapist trying to figure some shit out. I want to talk about {D} and the fact that I still believe his bullshit today.
I need to put together the exhibits for the case. Texts and screen recordings and whatnot. I just don’t want to. I am freezing every time I sit at the computer and I just can’t do it.
I have so many things swirling through my mind this rainy day. The weekly chaos of life—but leading a life more chaotic than mine seems slightly impossible. Shit’s fucked, yo. I’ll survive it, but good lord, the unnecessary convergence of chaos in my mind is not my favorite thing. Today’s thought: fuck the system.
The perfect storm was created on July 2, 2024. That date is the key to how we ended up here and how I ended up in this fight. It is the why behind every question about the rape. The perfect storm I wish had never happened. That was the day at work when I talked to the girl who had been assaulted. That tipped off the first domino toward reporting the rape.
I have to delve deeper into Brian 2 and what that relationship was and how it created the version of me that was so susceptible to the next psychopath who came along. Brian 2 was a diagnosed psychopath.
I didn’t do anything today that I had planned on. LawyerBoy and I didn’t go through the videos and no moving of furniture was done. I didn’t see him until late this evening. Why? Because I make bad decisions.
I just had the wildest dream. I was in {D}’s house and I was confronting him. He decided to just ignore me. He wouldn’t look me in the eye and just pretended I wasn’t there.
Through this blog, I aim to share my thoughts, reflections, and experiences as I navigate through this challenging time. I hope that my story can resonate with others who have gone through similar situations.
If you or someone you know is going through a similar experience, remember that you are not alone. Reach out for help and support. Together, we can overcome.
