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I was so ready to go with this book idea and I have a ton of it done. I’m going to print a few pretty hardbound volumes to send to some very special people. I think it might be too much for them though. Like I’ll put together a primer and get them cheaply softbound printed and send them to prosecutors all over the country. Like I’ll get it to someone who will use the information. It’s not in-depth legal research, but if you have a case of rape within the relationship it would come in handy. I don’t know.

I did really good this weekend. Me and LawyerBoy moved the furniture in my bedroom. Same walls but different angle. I didn’t watch the videos like I said I would this weekend. I wanted to. I need to. I have to. I spent much of Saturday trying to talk myself into it and reading law and psych. What was I looking for?

Had some trouble last night. I feel like I’m over-defending my sanity now. The lady doth protest too much kinda thing happening. I’ve always been like that. Like I need to prove my fucking point. It’s a drive within me to be right, I think. Anyways. I was up early reviewing some posts, and I think there are some factual points I need to make to everyone since not everyone is familiar with the idiosyncrasies of Nevada law, namely my protections under Marcy's Law. 

I’m in a foul mood today. Glad this fucking week is over. LawyerBoy is coming over this weekend to help me with some things. I am again caught up in the conundrum of whether I am crazy or not. God, I hate that word now. It has taken on so much weight and judgment since everything happened.

I’ve been asleep mostly for days. I downloaded a virus onto my computer at work, had to drag myself in but then my car battery died — and fucking LawyerBoy was too busy to come jump-start my fucking car. It’s been a week around here. Is tomorrow actually Friday?

So the hearing has been vacated and the court decided {D} is not in default. We go to trial. Also they finally told me what I said to make me a terroir. I said I would be at every campaign event. How exactly would I be at multiple events if I was planning on being dangerous? Or I was dangerously unhinged? Fuck all of this.

Homie what the fuck are you looking for? Let me know I got you and I'll point you in the right direction. 

I have been working all weekend on statement for court next week. I have to defend myself against being crazy and a stalker, {D} go-to bullshit. As soon as I tried to confront him he sent formal long texts calling me crazy and stalker and whatnot. It was obvious he was covering his ass when he sent them to me. It was all bullshit and I knew it. Not sure anyone else will. Little concerned. Why does this always turn into me defending MY sanity while his remain unquestioned. 

I find myself arguing my own sanity far too often for my own comfort. That seems to be the go to in all of this, I should be ignored because I am “crazy” or “unwell” or “unhinged” or “unstable.” I can’t be trusted because crazy people clearly make shit up. Okay let’s have a little discussion here.

I took 60 hours of psych in UG then another 12 in grad school. My degrees are in history; I just took way too much psych. I find it fascinating and relatable. I like understanding why I’m doing what I do. Being as I have the issues of major depressive disorder and complex PTSD, sometimes my thoughts and actions don’t fully make rational sense to me either. I need to rationalize so I can correct when necessary.

Things are off today. I filed a bunch of answers to answers, and I don’t know what I’m doing or if I did it right. This is why the disbarment thing upsets me so much. I don’t want to do this on my own.