I have two different thought processes. One is positive and hopeful. The other lives in the decay of the past. I can’t decide which way to go with this tonight—err, morning. I’ve been falling asleep after work and waking up in the middle of the night. Which, by the way, Burlington, you haven’t been sleeping well. I don’t know you or who you are, but reach out if you need someone to talk to.
I think I finally made {D}’s girlfriend go away with what LawyerBoy said. It’s been months. I kind of want to talk shit about her, but I also feel sorry for her. She’s still in it. I know what he’s like and what he does. I know how hard it is to walk away from it—or even recognize it.
What a fucking day. I woke up to an email saying I’m unstable from {D}’s attorney. Yes, that’s the point. {D} raped me, and I had a fucking nervous breakdown. So yes, that’s the point of the lawsuit. Thank you for agreeing with me. She actually said unhinged—like it’s a medical diagnosis. Unhingivitis or Unhingeditious. Or in Latin, hingedus unus.
LawyerBoy wants me to stop obsessing over the blog. He thinks {D} and his family are nuts. He also noted that the frequency with which {D}’s girlfriend reads my blog is, frankly, funny—because I’m in their home all day, every day. At some point, they’re always thinking about me.
I really was right about the new job. I’m not thinking about the rape and the legal cases as much. I don’t have time to obsess over everything when I’m engaged at work. We’ll see how it goes when I start working from home though. It can get quiet at times at work.
I’ve been kind of iffy about what I should and shouldn’t write about recently. With the hearing and the lawyer, I’m worried my little social healing experiment here is a lot less open than it should be. I’m feeling like it’s all very gotcha bullshit. Maybe that’s what happens when healing becomes entertainment—when I start watching myself heal instead of just doing it.
The poor decision-making abounds today. I’m talking to {D2} and {MC} tonight, in addition to LawyerBoy. Boys are confusing as hell. And by boys, I mean men in their 40s, 50s… sometimes 60s.
OMG guys, counterterrorism is so fucking precious. It’s like they’re just endearingly inept or something. I thought they went away — they didn’t. Must have been on vacay for a week. But this week, they’re hitting me from the East Coast.
I had a conversation last night with a criminal defense attorney. It began as a discussion about charging children as adults, brain development, and systemic issues in society when determining guilt or punishment. I always argue against charging children as adults. They don’t have a fully developed prefrontal cortex and do not have impulse control. Plus, testosterone levels fluctuate, and testosterone causes aggression.
Happy spooky day, motherfuckers! In addition to Halloween it is also Nevada Day! We like to show our state pride on this whatever-anniversary by dressing like hookers, because, well, it’s Nevada: the only place with legal prostitution, gambling, and nuclear waste. As you all know I am a huge fan of the state of Nevada, especially our elected officials. Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
Sorry for not posting last night. Y’all are like stray cats I didn’t put food out for. I had other commitments. I did start my new job and it’s awesome. I don’t know how or when I’m going to fuck it up, but you know I will. “Consummate fuck-up” is a good descriptor for me.
Through this blog, I aim to share my thoughts, reflections, and experiences as I navigate through this challenging time. I hope that my story can resonate with others who have gone through similar situations.
If you or someone you know is going through a similar experience, remember that you are not alone. Reach out for help and support. Together, we can overcome.
