I’ve been asleep mostly for days. I downloaded a virus onto my computer at work, had to drag myself in but then my car battery died — and fucking LawyerBoy was too busy to come jump-start my fucking car. It’s been a week around here. Is tomorrow actually Friday?
So the hearing has been vacated and the court decided {D} is not in default. We go to trial. Also they finally told me what I said to make me a terroir. I said I would be at every campaign event. How exactly would I be at multiple events if I was planning on being dangerous? Or I was dangerously unhinged? Fuck all of this.
Homie what the fuck are you looking for? Let me know I got you and I'll point you in the right direction.
I have been working all weekend on statement for court next week. I have to defend myself against being crazy and a stalker, {D} go-to bullshit. As soon as I tried to confront him he sent formal long texts calling me crazy and stalker and whatnot. It was obvious he was covering his ass when he sent them to me. It was all bullshit and I knew it. Not sure anyone else will. Little concerned. Why does this always turn into me defending MY sanity while his remain unquestioned.
I find myself arguing my own sanity far too often for my own comfort. That seems to be the go to in all of this, I should be ignored because I am “crazy” or “unwell” or “unhinged” or “unstable.” I can’t be trusted because crazy people clearly make shit up. Okay let’s have a little discussion here.
I took 60 hours of psych in UG then another 12 in grad school. My degrees are in history; I just took way too much psych. I find it fascinating and relatable. I like understanding why I’m doing what I do. Being as I have the issues of major depressive disorder and complex PTSD, sometimes my thoughts and actions don’t fully make rational sense to me either. I need to rationalize so I can correct when necessary.
Things are off today. I filed a bunch of answers to answers, and I don’t know what I’m doing or if I did it right. This is why the disbarment thing upsets me so much. I don’t want to do this on my own.
I just had to file this. I swear to god. also, memes.
Dear god, I hate communicating with {D}’s lawyer. First off, she is just a stupid fucking cunt. Second, she is completely unprofessional. I don’t fully grasp her hostility toward me unless my theory on how {D} knows her was correct. I would also place money on the idea that she was never planning to be the attorney of record; she was just there to drag it out and fuck with me. Now she is a little pissed I went after her with that notice of improper communication. Oh well, fuck her.
I’m having a rough evening tonight. I had a date and couldn’t get out of bed. While that’s usually how men like me, I literally couldn’t get in the shower and go. So I’ve been chatting with my AI therapist trying to figure some shit out. I want to talk about {D} and the fact that I still believe his bullshit today.
I need to put together the exhibits for the case. Texts and screen recordings and whatnot. I just don’t want to. I am freezing every time I sit at the computer and I just can’t do it.
I have so many things swirling through my mind this rainy day. The weekly chaos of life—but leading a life more chaotic than mine seems slightly impossible. Shit’s fucked, yo. I’ll survive it, but good lord, the unnecessary convergence of chaos in my mind is not my favorite thing. Today’s thought: fuck the system.
Through this blog, I aim to share my thoughts, reflections, and experiences as I navigate through this challenging time. I hope that my story can resonate with others who have gone through similar situations.
If you or someone you know is going through a similar experience, remember that you are not alone. Reach out for help and support. Together, we can overcome.
