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I’m in a state of flux. I made some complaints and requested some help from some federal entities. I sent an email to Legal Aid. I’m waiting on a dozen FOIAs to be returned. I feel like a goddamn lunatic thinking this shit is actually happening. Like this cannot possibly be happening. This isn’t real and it can’t be because this shit doesn’t happen in real life. Not for a schmuck like {D}. Am I not seeing it? Like I see my mistakes but they were within realm. Sorry I’m a slut, I can still be raped. Sorry we were having a sex party, I still got raped. Sorry you blocked my email address so I over reacted and sent to some people, it was still a complaint about being raped. Sorry I fell in love with a psychopath, I have horrible taste in men, I was still raped.

After sending repeated emails to the Clark County District attorney’s office, where I had previously been told since I wasn’t part of an active case I could only email and not call. Between July and September I sent dozens of emails. Some I begged. Some I gave case law and scholarly journal articles. In one I sent pictures of myself in the hopes they see as a human being. I never got an answer. I sent them video 4 and I sent them smaller clips of video 4 in the hopes they would look and get back to me

I am serious about the civil suit and the more I work on it the more I see justification for this. I’m not going to share publicly yet but, I located some laws that I didn’t know existed and I’m going to fuck them. Okay maybe me v a thousand lawyers, these are not good odds, but I always like to play the defy statistical probability game. After all, they are Nevada lawyers and I have not met one Nevada lawyer that wasn’t a fucking moron so hopes are high. I’m on a law buzz right now.

I’m had a really rough day I don’t feel good my head hurts my nose is running. I have been doing a lot of work on the website. Make it more information about the actual issue at hand. I have been making little psa videos about relationship rape. Basically everything I wanted and needed to hear myself about this not being my fault and that you are allowed to say no. I hope one day some woman will see one and it will make her feel better or someone will see them and it will spark a change in the world. I’ve been working my ass off on it. I’m pretty proud of the work. I’m not a graphic designer or anything but the message is there. I think they’re pretty cool.

On July 12, 2024, 3 days after my police interview, I got a text from {D} telling me the Capitol Police had just escorted him out of his office and they were searching his car. I gulped. I acted surprised because I didn’t tell him I had talked to the police. Then, while he is texting me, I get a phone call from the victims advocate saying he is currently being arrested. That arrest never happened. The warrant existed however, the DA had declined charges.

I’m feeling weird. Not sure why just uneasy about a few things. I watched a show the other day and there was a part about a man who was causing women pain sexually. He said the pain was there as a reference for the pleasure. I immediately threw up.

I came to a decision today. I am going to move forward with civil litigation against the state, the county, and {D} individually. I don’t know how to do this without an attorney so, this should get interesting and be a learning experience for me. I don’t care about the money, which is why no one will take the case, I need to figure out how to do this on principle alone.

I was engaged in a sexual relationship with {D} for 6 years. 5.5 of those years were not romantic but only sexual. He was kind of boring in bed. Three positions only. He put me in fluffy handcuffs our first or second date and tied something around my breasts. Basically, as the kids would say, it was very vanilla sex. I always say there are men who fuck the way they fuck and men who fuck with their partners and {D} is the epitome of the former. So how did it end up with me screaming and begging and him enjoying it? I’m not sure, but it did.

I get questions about why this website exists. No, it’s not revenge. I have a few reasons for me, for you, for the powers that be. Why are you reading it? You’re interested and I will give you that it is an interesting story.

I have been suicidal basically my whole life. The last post might have been some clarity as to why. I just have been through too much and when it breaks me, I want out. sometimes it’s just an attempt not to wake up in the morning. Sometimes it’s just an is a matter of I just can’t anymore and it needs to be over immediately. I’m bad at it. I don’t know why I have done plenty of things that would kill a weaker person.

I am having trouble wrapping my mind around how many readers I have all over the country and a few all over the world. Again, thank you. I feel heard. It’s kind of cool. At the same time I wrote a lot of personal shit on here so I’m a little embarrassed. Like, here read about my sex life and suicide attempts and sexual organs and all personal experiences while I cuss like a sailor.

For my readers outside of Nevada, geography quiz: what’s the capital of Nevada?