In Check

I am in check. I’m not sure it’s mate yet, but I am most certainly in check. I done pissed off the state. I am nobody, and they have taken every advantage.

This manufactured public record shit — I can only call this my official answer as to why he wasn’t charged. It was a cover-up from the get. From DOI on forward, they covered up a rape.

Jesus.

I have no fucking idea what to do here. I’m still searching for moves. It’s this nightmare scenario where you can’t yell government cover-up and be credible. That is just perception. No one thinks that is credible. Public opinion is that that is basically an admission of being delusional.

I’ve said it before, I honestly thought you had to be a fucking Kennedy to get away with a rape like that. I mean, look at the goddamn evidence. Wow. Just fucking wow.

I’ve been refreshing my email all day, hoping and praying someone gets back to me. I have done more federal outreach to any possibly half-related agency.

No one is going to fucking believe me. Like, that was literally what they did. They have it to where no one will ever believe me or take me seriously. And for God’s sake, I can be crazy all by myself. I don’t do false allegations. The true allegations should cover that shit.

If maybe some demon spawn out there felt a little guilty for making that up and recanted, it might help a little. But that part wouldn’t end up in the record either. You know, you have been here, and you’re still here every single day. You know me by now. You do. I’m not in any way asking you to pick me over him or something, but attempt to correct the mistake. I didn’t mean to send that friend request. And frankly, I am sure I did. He told me I had contacted you, and I knew I had sent friend requests. I don’t have that certainty. Was that made up too? The only truth you know about {D} is that he lies.

I don’t fucking even know if it would matter. I have been operating on this belief that you have a reason for being here yourself. But it again dawns on me how horrible people are. And this has been part of the game. How fucking sick would that be? You two together, creating a mind fuck for me. I so do not want to believe that shit. I want this to be something that is in some way helping you too. I don’t know. I don’t know what to believe anymore.

And the cover-up people. Like, Todd, why are you here? Yeah, look around, honey, you helped with this. Your actions and hand in this cover-up for a man you don’t even fucking like. And again, you know what you could do? Speak out. Tell the truth. Give the details of the cover-up. You have that power. Whistleblower laws should get you out of the NDA. You could 100% speak out about this. There is not fuck all stopping you. It’s simply the difference between right and wrong. So simple. So fucking simple.

You will just sit here and watch me die instead. Do you feel any culpability for everything I’ve been through because you guys decided that my life was merely collateral damage? Some actuarial deviance you were willing to accept because it was mathematically sound?

I will never forget that conversation with {D} about how they actually valuate human life. I mean, what was I worth? Some bad optics and a $200,000 lawsuit? I clearly wasn’t worth that much.

And it’s like this has been a closed-door decision as to whether to allow someone who has been through so much to be subjected to more, or be given justice, and the overwhelming position was to just let me slowly go crazy and slowly die.

What kind of meeting were these? I’d love to hear the notes. I would kill to be a fly on the wall while my government decided if I was worth helping or not.

You all know the truth. You don't sit here and scream for as long as I have because you’re making shit up. If you’re lying, you back down, let it slowly disappear, and walk away. That is the out. It’s simple. I could have done that two years ago.

My dad last night told me this was killing me. Yeah, it is. It truly is. I mean, it’s already killed so much of me. My joy, my love, my personality, my will. I am fundamentally a completely different human being. My idealism and my hope and my belief, they’re all gone.

This has cost me so much. People, time, anger, hurt, money, joy. It’s cost me so fucking much. Oh, and hope. Hope wasn’t just killed, but horrifically slaughtered.

So, demon spawn, do what is right. Todd, do what is right. Tell Scott and the Nazi to do the same. Ralston at the Indy knows everything. He doesn’t fucking believe me, but he has all the documents if you ever want to think about reaching out.

I mean, all of you know me. You have sat through tears and breakdowns, good days and bad. You’ve heard my story in detail. You have been along for the ride. You know who I am. All of you. I don’t know if that is good or bad. I have one of those personalities.

My sister calls me St. Katie. I’m always there, always there to save people, always trying to do what’s right even if it’s not easy or convenient or even wise. But I am the meanest bitch you’ve ever met. The duality of me.

Someone please help me right now and get me out of check. Like, I am sitting here thinking I have to flee the fucking state. To go where? I got no roots. I don’t even know where to go. But they are most certainly after me. I’m shocked I’m not in jail already. It doesn’t take much to manufacture a crime to charge me with. Like revenge porn.

Please fucking help me. Like, this is the part where you stand up. This moment right here. If someone had fucking done that night, shit, different outcome completely. No cover-up because you were worried about the fucking state? That is a totally different outcome for me.

Change the outcome. Let me have a life and let me stop fighting a battle that is so fucking difficult it’s literally about to kill me. I am fighting for the truth and what is right. Be on that side.