And the ones that mother gives you don’t do anything at all

I slept all day. I missed work and a therapy session. I think I made a mistake with my pills last night. One med, I take six little white round pills. The other is one little round white pill. Both start with the letter “L” however, one will knock my ass unconscious. I think I took six of those and one of the other. This was of course unintentional on my part but I feel better now that I’ve rested.

I slept through some shit though, like the Governor’s office calling about my public record request and apologizing profusely. Apparently that is why I was blocked by Aaron Ford too he got his copy yesterday of the FOIA lawsuit. Haven’t heard a word out of DOI.

I was up late panicking. The BDSM guy from Vermont scared me a little more than it should have. Like it was unfortunate. I sent an email to the police and told then I was sacred and asked them to call me. They didn’t. They didn’t respond.

See this is why you don’t bother with the police. They don’t care. They don’t like me and they can pick and choose who they want to help. I think they blame me for fucking up their case because I was talking to {D} and telling him everything because I was still under his control. I wish I could more training on how and why traumatized women in relationships do things. Like I was under his control. If he told me to jump I would jump. He had complete control over me.

I had been in that situation before with other men and I would be lying if I didn’t say I felt it. I was a little worried about myself around May, 2024 it became unhealthy the attachment to him. I was actually tin the midst of trusting to figure out how to pull back and reel it back in. I should have talked to someone then. But I was his puppet, slave, groupie, cult member, and shadow. Nothing mattered but making him happy. I caught myself though and. Was trying to pull back I wasn’t ready yet when it went down. I needed a few more months to start untangling everything. I just need more time to get myself out of it. Recognizing it was step one.

To put an end to this, because I fell asleep again while writing it. God bless America and fuck the police.