Dr. Bob

It’s been a day — good and bad. I’ll take the good with the bad as long as there’s some goddamned good. The thing I see today is that I’m learning. Maybe I’m even growing as a person.

So, LawyerBoy rejected me again. Goddamnit. He’s a shitty lawyer anyway. And he's a bass player who had never heard of the Allman Brothers.

We talked about when we broke up, and there were some… inconsistent beliefs. He said I broke up with him. He also said he didn’t realize we were in an open relationship. Not sure how that didn’t come up.

But here was the rejection. I told him how nice yesterday had been, how sorry I was — for everything, for the way it all went down, for the things I said. LawyerBoy is oft referred to as my ex: the morbidly obese bisexual lawyer. I was evil when he broke up with me. He called my boobs ugly, and I got fucking pissed. When he ended it, I said anything I could to hurt him. I started by apologizing that his tits were bigger than mine. So you get the idea.

We talked today, and I asked for another chance — just casual, not where we left off. Just dating. He said yes. I was so happy. And then I joked, “And it won’t be an open relationship this time, just so we know from the beginning.”

This motherfucker says, “I have other friends. I was thinking more friends with benefits.”

Like, bitch — I fucked you yesterday. We’re already that.

So I start sobbing. Because no one is ever going to just want all of me. They just want sex. And I was sobbing, ugly and loud, thinking that was the end of the story.

Then — ding. A dating app notification.

And it’s not some loser this time; it’s a PhD. Short, bald, Italian — three things I look for in men. Plus, the PhD. This is the Katie Lottery Jackpot. We talked for two hours on the phone tonight. We laughed a lot. We engaged in civil discourse over guns. We had a funny and intellectually stimulant conversation. He is smart, not just on paper smart. We have a sushi date Wednesday.

I hope it’s as good as it feels. He seems a touch on the normal side, but easily corruptible.

So I have a little hope tonight.

And hope feels good.