House-training

The poor decision-making abounds today. I’m talking to {D2} and {MC} tonight, in addition to LawyerBoy. Boys are confusing as hell. And by boys, I mean men in their 40s, 50s… sometimes 60s.

I always say men go through their “I don’t want to die alone” phase in their 60s. Women do it in their 40s. So, pair up—it’s a perfect age difference.

But men are weird. You’ve got two types: house-trained and un-house-trained.

House-trained men have been married, raised kids, and learned how to co-exist. They know how to defer sometimes, how to share space without feeling like they’ve lost themselves. Call it codependent if you want, but they understand strength as something flexible. They know how to push and be pushed—in a good way. They’re partners in the journey.

Then there are the un-house-trained. They’ve never lived with anyone for any real stretch of time. They’ve journeyed solo through life and they like it that way. They don’t like being pushed, even when it’s for their own good—like encouragement to move forward on a career path. They don’t want interference. They don’t want a partner; they want a roommate and occasional co-conspirator.

I’m currently dealing with a plethora of un-house-trained men. I suppose if you’re alone long enough, it stops mattering whether anyone else is around. Socialization becomes optional—just sex and the occasional companion.

I’ve learned through life that I really don’t want an un-house-trained man—or worse, a poorly house-trained one. That can happen too.

All I seem to want out of life is a mildly codependent relationship with an asshole I can take care of. Maybe I should put that on my dating profile.

Sometimes I think about just adopting one of these men from a shelter—take him home, feed him, and let him sleep on the couch. He’ll still chew up my peace and occasionally piss on my dreams, but at least I’ll know what I’m getting. Men are basically rescue dogs anyway: half the time they just need affection, structure, and someone to stop them from running into traffic.