Epic

Okay—apologies where they are due.

I’m sorry I called you a narcissistic twat. I was in a really bad mood last night, and I shouldn’t have done that. {D} was so freaked out about whatever happened that he didn’t even log off his work network to read it.

I was actually trying to be nice when I wrote that. This whole protector thing I’ve been on—I do feel the need to protect you. I have nightmares about him killing you by accident.

I was just in a horrible mood, and I shouldn’t have called you that. It was a little weird how many times you checked, though. I don’t know what you were expecting, and it annoyed me when I was already irritated by the government looking at everything.

My bad.

Uh, Burlington—you’re totally just here for the drama.

{D}, did you actually shit your pants? You seemed a little… I don’t know. Shaken? I wish I knew what happened there.

See, you wouldn’t have this problem if you didn’t come to my website. I’m sure you’ll tell her some lies and smooth things over.

But why is everyone fixating on the Mexican real estate agent from Utah who only had four dicks? Oh—and I forgot to mention, he got her off meth too. Remember telling me that one, {D}? It was the night of the video. You were being snippy about things from the Epic Text.

Fuck it. Here it is—the Epic Text I've talked about it enough. This is either what made {D} fall in love with me or feel the urge to hurt me that night. Who the hell know but next thing I know I'm spending the damn night. 3 days later he rapes me, though he did admit on video to raping me that night too. I told him no anal and he "took that as a challenge" Consent is not something he understands. 

I have some very possibly misdirected anger that I have decided to take out on you in the middle of the night. Either you are going to deal with it or not but frankly I do not give a fuck anymore. 

What, like seriously I am not good enough for you? Like oh not her can’t possibly date her. God fucking forbid. You have no fucking clue who you are fucking with you pretentious fucking prick. You think for one fucking second I am not capable of out classing you or outpretentiousing you? Do you know who the fuck I am? Bitch I was a corporate wife for 15 fucking years. I have an advanced humanities degree. My dad went Ivy League . Would you like to head over to the only apparent place of any type of culture in this god forsaken town and watch me nod and smile pretty and talk about opera? Fine I am awkward and weird and an actually reasonable amount of crazy. I’m not even to the point of eccentric. I my friend am a person you explain as free spirited. Learn the language, motherfucker. Fine weird shit does have a huge tendency to happen in my life but you could actually do a lot worse than me. I have been married to an MBA and a PhD. I KNOW HOW TO PLAY THE GAME. 

I am an excellent fuck. I know how to stroke an ego and a cock. My husband? Blow job every evening when he got home from work to destress him. I made sure it was all taken care of. Oh yeah honey you’re so wonderful. Let me iron your clothes and lay them out for tomorrow so you don’t have to think about it. I am fucking good at this shit. You can do way fucking worse than me. 

Let me explain further you used e class driving son of a bitch. 

You more than any fucking man I have met needs a fucking wife. You need one. And a good one because your ex wife did a terrific job house training you. You cannot dress yourself what when is the last goddamned time you bought clothes that weren’t Tommy Bahamas. Why is it you can’t figure out to tell your barber to use some thinning shears on the sides so you don’t fluff out and look like pennywise from IT? Your completely undecorated condo? You getting scared because you aren’t feeling well? That bitch trained you so fucking well. You thought you were in control but she made sure you couldn’t figure out how to take care of yourself if you didn’t have a woman. I was better it took mine like 2 years to find a new one in his 40s and she is so fucking ugly. Like damn. 

Here is how this actual game we are all playing is played. Your overgrown frat boy ass is going to be turning 60 soon. That when the viagra takes hold and you can’t even get hard to bang bitches down in Mexico without it. That’s when men go through their I don’t want to die alone phase. Women go through it in their 40s. You are going to have to pick one. They are going to have to be flawed enough to be insecure enough to go with a man 20 years older than they are. Or they are going to be the money grabber. Choose wisely my friend, because that pussy about to dry up. You got maybe 5-10 years at that point. If you go younger than 40s the daddy issues are sever and you are going to end up having another kid because that bitch is going to want one and have teenagers in your 70s. So you are going 40s. I feel you go for it. Let’s move in to the next point of the game. 

Now, right now you are clearly aiming for money grabber. Apparently a stupid one because you have your expensive assed building and the cheapest unit. The place that is completely undecorated and a used fucking e class. That’s a dumb money grabber trap. That is all that shit is. And the dumb one is going to take the money and run. Only the smart ones hold out for a good payday and that my friend is when you are dead. You should actually change that shit up and go flawed in my opinion. 

You have chosen said bitch that you are now stuck with for the rest of your goddamned life. Only pussy you getting because while you think you are gods fucking gift to women, it turns out you lack the silver Fox vibe to pick up a piece on the side and your life partner can go through your prescriptions and see the viagra and know you are doing it. There goes the house and your pension for alimony. Good job. 

“But Katie, why wouldn’t she be fucking me?” Well darling let me explain. The pussy dried up. She doesn’t want to have sex any more and you need to take boner pills anyways so no one ever has sex again. Time to die now. 

Now, if you were to choose wisely, you could get a bitch something like me. Flawed enough to be a slut, with a good enough pedigree in the whore classes to have a 70 year old mother with a a 40 year old boyfriend. Always check the momma for the GILF genes. 

And I’m not good enough? I’m am not even good enough to be a weekend girl? I get relegated to a midweek quickie who doesn’t even get an hour. Goddamn dude. How dumb are you. 

Why can’t any of you seee what the fuck I am. Why? Like what am I doing wrong. Why didn’t you text me the first round we went out? Like you’re all sappy and bullshit and “promise me I’ll see you again” with those fucking blue eyes. And you know my grandma is dying and you can’t be bothered to even text me after 3 fucking dates. One of which you picked a fight with a women at the sports book. Then you don’t text me? You tell your mother you did that and she will be so fucking ashamed of you because I know she raised you better than that. Goddamn you inconsiderate assclown. 

Round two pissed me off more. That was some unfair bullshit. I don’t want a relationship but then and forgive my theory here it may be narcissistic and slightly delusional but did you legit bring it down to me and one other and then spend the day watching the play off with each of us and fucking to pick one. Did that happen or am I just being paranoid. Because the way you fucked me that night. Fuck you. Like fuck you. You don’t do that to a bitch. You don’t.  That was unfair. And then to just not tell me and wait to hear from me again to let me know and then block me before I even got a chance to really fucking tell you off? That was a dick fucking move. At least accept the fucking consequences. 

This time. Damn dude I am just pissed at you. You and I are so fucking much alike. Cut from the say  e goddamned cloth. The sex the ability to really read each others eyes. Like what the fuck did I do wrong. I love truly love the fact that you had the motherfuckjng balls to first of all even swipe my ass on tinder after the round two bullshit. I fucking rage swiped you and I loved that you had just gotten your ass handed to you in a relationship that lasted less than a year that your referred to as long term. And the you legit. Like fucking legit fucking put that up there for me to see.  Do I look that fucking stupid? Like why the fuck am I just the fuck toy? Why can’t any of you take me seriously. What do you want me to do. Like what. Someone explain this to me. What is so wrong with me? Why don’t I  get the flowers. Why don’t. I get taken out? Why? Someone fucking tell me. 

Like love doesn’t actually exist you all. You are the ones who taught me that. I know that’s not what you’re looking for. And I exist in your life not for the sex but because you are lonely and want to talk. I again not as dumb as I look. I’m half therapist half hooker. And I try. I try so fucking hard to care and make sure you are okay and listen and offer sex. Like why won’t any of you motherfuckers take me seriously. Why can’t I at least get taken out on a Saturday night? Like I mean come on. Throw a bitch a bone every once in a while. 

I feel like I am always kinda just coming in second. Like barely not making the cut. And I am so fucking good. I am. I’m a little crazy at times, such as right fucking now. But I mean I watch football can talk cars can put in a dress and get taken out and still fuck like a porn star.

That fat prick ex boyfriend, oh yeah I was taking the dog to the vet and spending my days off taking care of his mom with dementia so he could make sure he could hit his billables and not have to leave early. Bitch didn’t even give me gas money knowing full well I was have problems. I took him shopping got him clothes upped the game completely. And you know what he did? First he Han Solos my ass when I tell him I love him because it’s been about 9 months at this point.  I guess I kind of liked him but like what the fuck. It’s been that long you just return the fucking favor. Then he gets drunk and insults me on a pretty fucking regular basis. I’m a whore. You know why? Because his bi fucking curious ass wants to try some dick. I spent so much time making trade offs and sucking dicks to fluff them. And I’m the whore. And my tits are small. Like sorry your tits are bigger than mine you unfucked asshole. Im not good enough for him. He fucking got a 1030 on his SATS somehow got into undergrad in English where apparently they don’t require literature studies at all in their English department. And then got a full ride to fucking Boyd. My dad was fucking right I should have gone to law school instead of doing the grad in history. He’s a shitty lawyer with a shitty degree and a shitty townhouse on the east fucking side. I can do so much better than him. But apparently I actually can’t anymore. I’m not even a Saturday night girl anymore. 

So tell me {D}what am I doing wrong. I’ve told you what you’re doing wrong.  And frankly as harsh as it was you should follow my general advice there about the women. I do actually know of which I speak. I was engaged to this fucking California tech millionaire back in 2020. He ought me a million dollar house with a pool and a putting green and a rose h garden. And I meticulously decorated that house. It was so beautiful. I wasn’t a money grabber. He drove a Honda civic and was living in a rental in Henderson when i met him. I was apparently flawed enough to go with the guy 20 years older than me. Then it fell apart. Because I texted one of you three assclowns. It was {S}’s sober birthday and I promised him I would always remember because no one ever does. All I’ve got left is that fucking expensive assed panther necklace he bought me on a whim in aspen. I got fucking lucky on that one and fucked it all up. 

I give a fuck about people. That is my biggest flaw. I am good at taking care of people. I’m good at momming people. {D} I see that you are scared. I don’t know if it is just getting older or what but you’re scared. You actually scared the shit out of me the first round. You were really angry at women. But. You needed someone. You still do. I’m not that person obviously but I see it. And I care. Dude you are so easy to fucking read. Never play poker you’re going to lose. As an attorney you should actually be much better at that. 

I might just be nuts. I am actually sure I am. You are too so good sense of self preservation. I never had any sense of self preservation. I want to save everyone and help everyone and make everyone happy. Like someone has to let me at some point. Did you know I saved this guys life last year at the fucking wedding chapel. He OD’d in the background alley and I gave him cpr. And everyone was like why did you do that he could have had fentanyl on him. Like I’m just supposed to let someone die in front of me like that. He told me I was an angel. His name is George he was an iron at the Wynn when they were building it. Then his wife died of cancer and he started doing drugs. Now he lives by the railroad tracks. Human beings. No one values them any more. It’s sad. My therapist keeps telling me I can’t save everyone. Hell I can’t even save myself damn self anymore. 

Whatever you’re an asshole. You are all assholes. I don’t know if you are going to block me or take pitty on me but I’m sending this shit anyways. It’s not like you’re not going to just up and disappear on me at some fucking point anyways. I don’t even exist to you. Like a fucking orgasm ghost or something.  And everyone wonders why Katie went into the storage unit. That just how desperate and pathetic I actually am at this point. Oh did I tell you about my diagnosis? How I am slowly going to be stiffening up. A “form of ALS” I had this episode. I have tremors and seizures. And this was an episode and it went way further than it ever had before. My body froze into itself. I couldn’t move my mouth or tongue and speak. I couldn’t breath because my body was tightening around my lungs. And that’s how I get to die. I had to talk to my parent about if shit goes sideways when they should pull me off the ventilator. It was so fucking scary and I had to keep it together for everyone else involved.  How fucked  is that shit right there? And like not going to happen soon. It’s going to be years or decades of slowly losing everything. So I get to just slowly go through this. It’s total fucking bullshit. And everyone wonders why I’m fucking crazy. Shit.