Perry the Platypug 2008-2026

Published on 15 March 2026 at 07:32

I just got the call from my mom. Her dog died. He yelped and then had a massive seizure for about 20 minutes. She is hysterical and alone. I had to tell her not to put the dog in the freezer because we had an issue when Wuggie died. 6 a.m. on a Sunday.

 

 

I think she has moved on to go call my sister and cry. I’m half asleep because time zones exist.

 

She was trying so desperately to keep him alive the last couple of years. It was all she did. Focus on Perry.

 

I’m very sorry the dog died. But I’m not surprised. I’m surprised he lasted so long. I’m not surprised she let him suffer because she is that selfish and his comfort was less important to her than her own needs. I’m surprised I only had to spend an hour on the phone.

 

She cried a lot. We talked about other stuff too. Thursday was her birthday. My kids didn’t call her. I guess I should have reminded them. My sister sent a drunk text to Brian 1 to tell him he was a horrible father and raised thoughtless children. I think she is blocked on my phone, which is probably for the best, but the kids did text her Friday morning first thing.

 

I told her my best friend had been here. I told her she wanted me to go to law school. Mom told me I should get a prep book for the LSATs. I was like, I don’t need a fucking prep book for a fucking standardized test — it’s all logic. What I need is money to pay for the test and the will to live. I have neither.

 

But the dog is dead, and she’ll have to think up a new excuse next time she abandons me completely alone or doesn’t want to move to Colorado.

 

I’m going back to sleep.

 

RIP Perry. You were such an obnoxious dog

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