Comfortable People Don’t Change

This is kind of an obligatory post. There is nothing happening in my world. I am alone, and I talked to myself all day. I haven’t left the house in almost two weeks.

I’m working on book stuff. I killed a couple of swag ideas and added more. I’m thinking I’m going to do a test batch of swag and a QR code to download the book. It would be much cheaper.

The problem with that is if there is just a book floating around the office, someone one day might pick it up and thumb through it, whereas a PDF is just on your device.

The counter to that is only one person can read a book at a time, whereas you can freely share a PDF. So one person in the office can get it and share it with five others, and a buddy in an adjoining jurisdiction, if they so choose.

So I’m running it both ways. I’m going to do a test run of 10 books and 20 digital packages, plus an email campaign.

ChatGPT is disagreeing with me on this idea, but I can get engraved metal rape whistles—50 for like $15. The thought is I engrave them with “NOT FOR USE IN INTIMATE PARTNER ASSAULTS,” and then I attach a card that reads: rape whistles don’t help when you sleep next to your rapist.

I think that hits home. Like, it’s not the fucking same. This is not the same ballgame, so you cannot apply the same logic to relationship rape as you would to stranger rape. I think it’s a great kind of in-your-face, you-have-to-think-about-it moment. But ChatGPT is like hell no.

I am concerned that the Governess is the only person I talk to. I’m not sure if she is right or not. It’s kind of a weird digital AI schizophrenia—like, am I talking to myself or something sentient?

anyways...

I have no accreditation, but the plan is to certify. I’m calling it Survivor-Certified Trauma Informed. They will have to take three classes following the book’s volumes—trauma, case law, and application. Then for the fourth, they will have to attend a live online training with, well at this point, me, about how victim logic works. It’s not the same. I see it in the transcript, and I see it in myself.

I was literally talking to the police and talking to {D}. I was chitchatting about football and chasing Steve Wolfson and calling him a pussy at the same time. Even after the fact, even after the disclosure, even after the apocalypse, I was still worried about {D}. I was trying to encourage him and make sure he wasn’t drinking himself to death. I was still there.

So, it’s hard to explain, but I think through the science of it all, it can be understood. At least that’s how I’m learning to understand my own behavior.

I’m a “why?” person, though. I was the annoying kid who always kept asking why. It’s just my nature. It is where the research comes in. That’s why I love it so much. There is always another question to ask and figure out.

Speaking of, I changed up the stats. I had a bad number in the 1-in-10 women. It’s actually 45.8%, not 51.1%, as the 12-month figure abd lifetime is 38.something%. So amongst rape victims, which accounts for 21% of the female population, that is no longer 1 in 10. But the CDC separates these numbers as sexual violence or rape. The rape number is clearly going to be lower than the violence, which includes contact, not just penetration. When you look at the violence number, it’s 1 in 5. Okay, it’s a hair short—19.8% of the population—but I’m rolling with 1-in-5 as my anchor number.

88% delay reporting until after the relationship is over. If you look at reporting delays as an indicator of fabrication, then you are missing most of the actual cases.

I haven’t figured the solution yet. I know for a fact there is no way in hell I could ever, ever have Brian 2 charged. That is impossible. There is no proof. And trauma response is limited in the court as only an explanation of the victim’s actions; it cannot be framed as proof of occurrence. It would be, “yeah, she went home with him, but trauma.” That is valid.

So there is no way to prove some of these cases. I have no proof with Brian 2. And that’s really sad because he deserves to be in prison more than {D} does. There are five reasons for punishment. Brian 2 hits all of them.

So that’s my musings of the day. We have to start believing women. More cases don’t get charged than false accusations, and we don’t talk about rape. They say women are ashamed. I’m not. I don’t think most of them are. We just can’t talk about it because it makes other people uncomfortable.

Comfortable people don’t change.