Do You Understand Now?

Okay then. {D} remembered to relay from work this morning to log in, eh? Congrats on remembering not to do shit from your work network, bro. Maybe I will get a memo from you next warning me of an impending regulatory crisis. Excellent work.

If you didn’t get that particular joke, I don’t know what to say.

And guys, check this shit out. Did you know even if you use a VPN, there are tracers for that? I can ping that bad boy on back to a general location. Crazy how this shit works.

I’m getting bored with this bullshit. Like, give me an actual challenge.

I have a year’s worth of data of me telling {D} and {A} to fuck off while they stay here every day. Twice a day. If not more, because some days you gotta pull the rape card and trigger me into a meltdown.

I am completely baffled by the whole fucking bullshit of the midnight visit. I don’t know if they were trying to cause me harm or if it’s true. I really have no idea.

These are just truly sick people.

{D} has his moments where maybe I think I have said something to make him take pause and see the reality. But probably not. And on top of that, he reads some of my stories for pleasure. He will very carefully read the stories of my mother, and I know he is laughing. I have moments that I know I can still make him jealous. I see moments where I believe he questions his decisions. And I frankly have my moments where I’m certain some part of that man still loves me and knows what he did to me and feels so much remorse. He hates it, but he doesn’t blame me. He blames himself.

Her? I don’t know what’s happening there. I have heard a lot about her from various people. And none of it is terribly indicative of a stable and happy human being. So I don’t know what is actually happening, and frankly, I just want her to go away. I really don’t need this shit in my life. Like, I had my fun telling her the truth because, duh, like {D} would ever tell the truth.

I wanted to believe she didn’t know what to do. I wanted to believe because I’ve lived it and, frankly, I don’t know. I was trying to help. But if this is just to toy with me, like everything else, whatever, you know? Like Mexico and that shit, right? Fine. A little tone-deaf, and frankly, she completely misses my point on everything. I don’t know what to say about some of that shit. And I’m not just being a bitch saying this; it’s truly immature and completely narcissistic for either one of them to think I am jealous. I know that is the goddamn narrative.

Listen, this isn’t about them. This is me dealing with this shitshow. This is me fighting to get him fucking charged with the crime he actually committed against my goddamned body on video. Is it somehow unclear that I turned the damn tide? Yes, trust me, I was fucking trauma-bonded to this asshole like no one’s business. Yes, and I got therapy to stop that shit from being.

Does anyone at all see the sheer amount of work I have put into this? Between the like five months of doing nothing but therapy, the research into trauma science, the legal work. Does anyone see it?

I just don’t understand why anyone would even begin to believe that I would dedicate all my time and effort and everything else to this if I truly didn’t believe what I was doing was right.

I mean, I get it. I play gotcha and fuck with people, but the reality of this whole situation. Does this look easy to you? Do any of you actually comprehend what has happened here?

Maybe I am crazy at this point. I mean, I’m talking about a psychotic serial rapist. I truly believe that to be the case. And there are more of us.

Fuck it. I’m putting it here. Watch it. It’s officially public record. It came from the Governor’s Office by accident. It is public record. I can use it.

Watch this. Know that he is NOT CLAIMING he had any type of permission to keep going after I said no. He said he didn’t hear me. He said I never withdrew consent. He said he thought I just wanted him to pause.

Man up and watch it all the way through. Volume up. Man the fuck up. If I can live through it, then fucking fight for goddamn years to get someone to fucking charge him when, goddamnit, he should have been, then you fuckers can watch it.

And then, please tell me who is crazy: me for fighting, or him for doing something like that to someone he claimed to love, or even just another human being in general.

Two months is how long it took to heal physically. Do you understand me?

Any other fucking questions?