Heavy Metal Mariachi

I’m feeling weird. Maybe it’s because I have not been sleeping. I’m really not doing well. This has all been too much for me. I don’t think I can take it.

{D} and the side piece have been on the website tonight. Did it concern you, that extra part I put on there? You had just left when I saw it.

I don’t know what is about to happen. Oh well. Whatever.

I was watching my video from the Public Records thing. It is a damn shame everyone thinks I’m crazy. I mean, not that I’m not, but everyone writes me off.

That is the truly unfair thing about it. He harms women. I’m a loudmouth who has been sexually abused my entire fucking life.

I should have learned my lesson with Brian 2. I should not trust some people. They are crazier than I am.

At least I am benevolent. I’m a bitch, but I’m benevolent. I was seriously trying to be the biggest bitch I could so they would leave. I just wanted them to go away.

I have had these panics before where I thought something was going to happen. And nothing did. Remember that, Todd, this spring?

I don’t know. I just want everything to chill out.

But it’s always been the mind game that got me. He has kept his control over me this whole time. That’s why I needed the restraining order.

This is seriously the only thing I have left.

I don’t know anything anymore. The last time I knew something, they were arresting {D} momentarily.

That’s truly what did it. That feeling was what convinced me for certain it was real. One hundred percent real. It fucking happened.

I realized it has disappeared off the internet. I just look crazy. And I feel like I’m crazy because that actually happened. All of it. From beginning to end.

It dawned on me that {D} knows me. When I first asked about {A}, he said she was an old friend from Vermont who was getting divorced and had an autistic son. I, of course, being me, said, “If she needs help or anything, you know {MM} is autistic. I understand.” I was a SpED teacher. I offered to help.

That, of course, is exactly what I would do.

Then, of course, the husband told me none of her kids are autistic. He told me that to soften me up so I would feel bad for her and wouldn’t ask questions.

I know I wrote that list, and it was horrible. I was trying to be as mean as humanly possible. I know he loves her, and I know he has done nothing in my life but harm me.

I don’t know if she was helping him or what actually happened. I suppose I’m about to find out, eh?

Fuck. And LawyerBoy is out of town. Always gone exactly when I need him.

I did mean that part about if he had shown up, he would have talked me out of reporting him. One hundred percent. He had that kind of power over me. He had complete control.

That doesn’t mean I consented, though. Coercion counts.

I gotta stop watching these videos. They make me super paranoid. So does the year of documentation of me telling them to go away.

This last time was too much. You have no idea how bad it was. I can’t go through this shit any longer. I just fucking can’t.

I don’t know what is on the horizon.

I sure as shit can’t live like this anymore. I just can’t.

And they did it maliciously.

I still don’t know why you’re letting me win the case. I mean, I don’t think you have an argument. But still, you should be fighting harder.

What was it with the last paragraph of that police report? Is it because they incorrectly said I removed your hand? Watch the video, homie. You read what you said to me. You sat there and read it. And the fact that the side piece did too tells me you believe that shit.

No. Absolutely not. I was pulling on your wrist the whole time, except for the parts where I was, you know, pulling it off my wrist. No one watches that video.

You’re just going to believe him.

I’m not that crazy, guys. I’m fucking crazy, but I wouldn’t go after something this hard if it weren’t real. There are times I’m still fighting cultists, but here we are.

Why does it always have to be a shit July with you, bro? Jesus.

You’re always ruining my fucking birthday and summer.

But I gotta figure out who the other one is. Who has an old iPhone?

Okay, I gotta go to sleep.

But I am proud. I introduced someone to Metalachi tonight.

See, {D} is the only one who would have gotten the joke. Metalachi, which is, of course, the world’s only heavy metal mariachi band. Cinco de Mayo 2024. Front and center with one of my personal favorite bands to see. The lead singer said, “Show me your titties,” so of course I did. Then {D} kept pulling my shirt down. I got a bracelet from the lead singer for doing it.

I wanted to be Tawny Kitaen when I grew up. My plan was to move to New York City after high school and hang out with musicians. That was my life goal as a child. I basically did nothing but watch MTV. I didn’t watch cartoons. I watched MTV. And, as a backup plan, I was willing to be a Robert Palmer girl.

That’s just me. This whole thing is just me. This is the person I am. I’m loud. I’m obnoxious. I’m profane. I’m overtly sexual. But, as Steve Wolfson did tell me, whores can get raped.

I just don’t do things the way everyone else does. It’s a life choice. Not a good one, but a life choice nonetheless. Judge me for it.

I’m not crazy. I’m traumatized. And I find myself hilarious. Most people do. They just don’t want to admit it.

He is the fucked-up one. I’m at least telling the truth.

Give me credit for that.

there is a very fine line between being insane, brilliant, or justt ot giving a fuck. a there was not a fuck left to give that day. And it was good. I so need sleep.

good night, Todd. I really hope you actually hate. That would. Make me feel horrible. .