Level of Pain in the Assary

Well, the band is back together, I guess, sans Amy, who apparently has the good sense and modicum of respect to either not be here anymore or at least hide it well enough that I don’t notice.

I still want to know who Todd is. Demon Spawn came by. Dave, of course, will require a restraining order or jail time to go the fuck away because he is a psychopath, and I’m actually in more danger now than before, statistically. Utah showed up. I’m sure that was an accident, they forgot the VPN today. And last but not least, Disbarment Dude came back. You’ll know Disbarment Dude as Burlington. I actually can keep my mouth shut, I just choose not to on most things. I did that out of respect.

That respect is gone.

Lemme explain the blindsided hit I took from Disbarment Dude and why it feels like a personal betrayal to me.

Note: I can’t prove any of you are any of you, but Dave, the police can. Also, sorry, you were fucking her? Tuesday was the only time I ever actually saw her. Hahhahahahhahahahhaha. My mom looks better. You better have paid her enough so she can get a case of sunscreen. I thought the other one was ugly. At least she isn’t elderly. Sorry, Cunty McLawyer is like 70.

Where was I? Personal betrayal. So, as you all know, we are a tight-knit little group here that revolves around Dave. I put this blog together because no one in my life wanted to listen to me. I decided to scream into the void, and now you’re the people I talk to. And you’re all Dave’s.

The only exception was Disbarment Dude. I’m applying a nonexistent emotional connection to an IP address. Like, as long as that one was there, I had someone on “my side” in my emotional little world here. Everyone else is here for Dave.

There is no reason I should have felt that way. It was never discussed. Dude barely talked to me. I sent an email every couple of months to see what the holdup was.

So it is stupid that I felt so incredibly betrayed. I didn’t even get a heads-up that it was an option. Last I heard, which was the last time we spoke in November 2025, was that my civil case was a holdup.

Disbarment Dude was basically neutered because he couldn’t do anything that would financially benefit me, and anything he did I could use in court against Dave.

He told me Dave had offered up his license in a nolo-esque plea. He said he was probably going to do that. I researched and sent him info on the holdups he had. Hell, I got Dave to admit to rape with his holdup, technically. It was his question about the same act repeating in the second video that sent me on that path.

I thought that was the worst-case scenario, and a hearing was still on the table. That’s the last I heard about it.

Disbarment Dude was oddly defensive that it was solely his decision which way to go. To me, gut feeling, not based upon evidence of any kind or a specific statement, the state as a whole wanted this to go away quietly. In my gut, I believed that Disbarment Dude wanted a hearing but might have had pressure on him.

Again, just a gut feeling.

I was happily telling him that I was trying to dismiss. I told him he was about to be up to bat and should start stretching.

Then, before I even got the case dismissed, suddenly, with no warning, they dismissed it because I dismissed mine. That was the reason. The only reason.

How the fuck do you hinge a goddamn law license on the legal abilities of the only person involved in this case who didn’t go to law school? It was on me personally to try my own rape case?

I never would have filed that lawsuit if I had known. I never would have filed it if he had gotten off his ass and made a fucking decision. The only reason I filed was that I was running out of time to do so because I had been told two years statute of limitations by a few Nevada lawyers, but there is an exemption for sexual assault with no time limit. It’s a newer law.

I wanted my case to be heard. I wanted the answer, and that’s all I wanted. A hearing and someone to mandate rehab so he wouldn’t rape someone else. He gets out of control when he is drunk. I needed him sober to feel like other women were safe because I couldn’t get him charged, and it would be my fault if he hurt someone else.

That’s why I went to the bar. He would have a hearing, and I would have an answer to the question of whose fault it was, mine or his.

They had the power to mandate treatment.

So I was stuck trying my own rape case as, to restate, the only person involved in this mess who doesn’t have a law license, who is severely traumatized and was repeatedly retraumatized just by the basics of the case. Then you add to that the Dave/Cunty McLawyer mind fuck, the half-baked hacking bullshit, and the gaslighting.

I will state it again. On the merits, if I could have gone to court tomorrow and put this in front of a jury, I would have won. I just can’t get to the trial, and I can’t try a case where my evidence is being actively tampered with. I don’t think a seasoned attorney would have been able to do that. And I had no idea what I was doing. And they had gone through every email and document I have. Even those unrelated to the case.

My notes, my timelines, my strategies, my research. Things they were not allowed to have and could not have compelled.

I had no choice but to dismiss.

Disbarment Dude, on the other hand, had a choice. He didn’t have the issues I have with the hacking.

I will say it: maybe I’m wrong about all of this, and this is a much harder case than I think it is. It’s a fucking expert witness, juror education on trauma, and video of a woman begging the defendant to stop. Shaking. Pulling at his wrist.

If you know trauma, it’s textbook. I did exactly what anyone would have. Put all four videos together and watch them in order. It is a textbook trajectory of trauma. I am upset the whole time. I’m screaming at the beginning and just quietly begging by the end.

I would love to sit down with an attorney and explain the whole thing, watch the videos so I can point everything out, and then hear the reasons for declination.

I concede, I am not an attorney. I don’t know. So I need one of these fucking attorneys to listen to me and talk to me and explain it to me because I still don’t see the fucking issue. And if I could explain it to an attorney, guess what? They’re an attorney. They might be able to argue it because they went to law school and passed the bar. I just spent two fucking years studying the specific laws relating to this case along with the psych. I know, we all forget Katie is a literal genius. I just needed the time to learn it.

So far, Disbarment Dude has gotten four emails since Friday. I’m not going to start calling every single day for the rest of my life or until I can afford a ticket to Burlington so I can show up at their office and demand an answer in person until next week. It’s not harassment if it is only once a day.

Today’s email might have included the words, “I have a deep suspicion you’re fully aware of the level of pain-in-the-assery I am truly capable of. So, I would really appreciate a call.”

Someone needs to explain it to me, and Disbarment Dude should know me well enough by now to know I’m not just some fucking idiot he can shoo away.

Or maybe he will just call me a whore too.