Family ties

First I want to say hello to my Carson City visitors. You’re back, I missed you guys. Social media dude for the Nevada AG gave me a number and told me to call. I left a message maybe you will get back to me, right? I’m not holding my breath. Then there is the matter of the Vermont State police creeping my page. Hey guys, what’s up? Did he really seriously try to somehow have me charged with something? Hilarious. I’ll take any charges you want to give. Have at it. But {D} is not identified and everything is redacted by the state of Nevada and I don’t identify him by name. Don’t know Vermont law but pretty sure this is 100% legal. But I’m not a lawyer.

I have confessions to make and apologies to give. I did something horrible. I actually sent that video to {D}’s family. This was when everything blew up in July 2024. I had logic but no excuse and my logic was flawed and distorted. I sent it when I thought he was going to be arrested imminently. When he got arrested, he would need his family and {D} hides. He lies. He doesn’t show people, especially his family, who he is. I honestly didn’t think they would believe me if I didn’t send the video. I knew {D} would make something up and lie about it because he didn’t want them to know. I was kind of trying to protect him and also hand off his emotional needs to his family because he needed support and I wouldn’t be there to give it to him.

I wasn’t making sense I went on a drug bender after after everything. I wasn’t making sense emotionally. I make no excuses for my behavior. I could have reached out without the video. At the time I was showing the video to everyone so they would believe me.

My mother had seen the video. My sister had seen the video. My dad has heard the video. My daughter has seen the video because my mom showed it to her.

I have three kids. My oldest is a proud trans woman 29, son 24, and son 17.

My daughter and I have been on the outs for a few years. It stems from the end of my marriage to Brian 2. I didn’t have a job because I had spent a good 4-5 weeks total in the hospital that year due to my neurological issues. When he and I split I went to my daughter’s place. I slept on the floor in the living room. Then a couple weeks later I flew to DC to watch my grandma die. I wasn’t okay. I was drinking a lot with this alcoholic librarian my daughter actually introduced me to. this is also when I met {D}. I had a part time job that paid nothing and I couldn’t afford to live anywhere. I had also just been through that. I was a mess and she felt responsible for me which is unfair and I know it because I feel the same way about my mother.

After 2 months, she kicked me out. I lived in my car. I was homeless. I went to work everyday. I wasn’t on drugs I had just been through hell. My daughter and I have been on the outs since.

Then there is the issue of my 17 year old. When the police called me in for the interview, my youngest was actually in the air flying in from Kansas. I was supposed to pick him up at the airport in an hour when they called. My mom called my oldest and had her pick him up.

The police and my family were concerned that {D} was literally going to kill me. He had threatened it and he had means and a case of ammo. It wasn’t a safe situation. We didn’t want my youngest anywhere near my apartment.

My youngest stayed with his sister for a few days before everyone decided to send him back. I begged my daughter to let him stay with her so I could see him. She refused and put him on the plane and no one told me. It was probably for the best in reality. I was having a nervous breakdown, like a real one not being hyperbolic.

My 17 year old stopped talking to me. My daughter told me the rape was my fault because I jump from “one toxic dick to the next” and he should have killed me and used me as a cum rag.

My parents were less than supportive. I begged my mom to come out because I was scared and upset and I needed someone. She told me she couldn’t because her dog had an ear infection. Now my dad, first told me I was an embarrassment and how he didn’t want anyone to find out I had been raped. He did that before when I was homeless he was concerned people would find out his daughter was homeless in “Las Vegas of all places!” Then he told me it was my fault because what was I doing in a hotel room with three men.

My family has been whatever the opposite of supportive is.

I was able to talk the kids into letting come for my youngest’s high school graduation in a couple weeks. My youngest has agreed to go to dinner alone with me so maybe we can talk and I can explain what happened and why he couldn’t be here. This was actually negotiated by my oldest, who apologized to me which meant so much.

I’m going to dinner with LP, my 17 year old the night before graduation. I am not yet invited to the actual ceremony, but I get to go to the after dinner with all three of the kids. Z, my oldest, she told me I will be in the corner. I’m only allowed to smile and nod, but I get to be there and I am so excited. I’m hoping this is step one in building back my relationship with kids. They are my world and the only thing I’ve ever worked for. Therapy all this shit it’s not for me.

In 2018 when Brian 2 and I split up, it was an ordeal, but I need stronger word than that. Brian 2 and I were fighting because my grandma was dying and he wouldn’t let me go home. My kids were there. It was a screaming fight. I may have shattered our wedding photo and our wedding album may have been set on fire on the barbecue grill. I refused to leave the house and I wanted him out. See he would kick me out on a pretty regular basis if I was paying too much attention to my kids and not having enough sex with him. We always ended up sleeping on Z’s floor. We spent Christmas there one year after he kicked me out. I had $12 and I was able to put together a Christmas dinner for them. We actually had a blast. There was an inflatable dinosaur suit and we were all running through the courtyard in it. Then we boxed in it. Just it was so much fun and our normal karaoke. One of my favorite Christmases actually.

But, when we had that fight I wasn’t going to make Z take care of us this time. It was my house too. He had places to go, like the guest room at his mother’s, which is more comfortable than sleeping on the floor like we had to at Z’s. So I refused to leave and told him to get out. I had never done that before. He didn't leave instead he locked himself in the bedroom. 

In the mean time I’m trying to figure out how to get to DC and what to do with the kids. My grandma was in home hospice and younger kids were like 16 and 10 and they shouldn’t be there for a death. So I was juggling everything trying to figure out who went where and I what money I had to do it with. And then trying to figure what I was going to do when I came back.

Then the doorbell rang.

He called the police and told them I had a gun and was threatening him and myself. Couple of things here 1. We didn’t have a gun in the house because the shotgun he owned I had tried to kill myself with and we got rid of a year prior. 2. I never threatened him with anything, I just told him to leave.

The police believed him, not me. I don’t know why without the gun. They wouldn’t listen. I was begging. Six cops and an emt who was shooting me up with sedatives as I was screaming for help and that I didn’t do anything. I was taken to a mental hospital and left there for days. All this in front of my then 16 year old middle son.

By the time I got out, my kids were gone back to Kansas. All of my stuff had been packed and put in a storage unit. And by all I mean nothing of monetary value like my jewelry or my nice furniture, you know the stuff I could have sold to get back on my feet. My dad did that. He negotiated it with ex’s best interests at heart. I went to Z’s with a suitcase of clothes and nothing else.

This was the break down of my relationship with my children. It was my fault, I should have gotten out sooner. They shouldn’t have had to deal with that. I don’t blame them.

I’m excited to get the chance to rebuild with my family. At least the kids. My parents, whatever, but the kids they were my world. LP was too young to remember most of it so he was kind of the last one I had before this current incident took him too. That’s on me. Z was right, I jump from one toxic dick to another and it’s my fault.

{D} still has his family despite me sending the video, which losing his family was not my intent, the opposite actually was my intention. From what he told me they all are very supportive of him and they know I’m lying. I hope somewhere in the back their minds they know I’m not lying. The only person I should have reached out to, if I did at all, was his brother. {D} said he can’t spend more than a few days with his brother because there will be a physical altercation. {D} also told me I was the only person who could piss him off as much as his brother. I know why, we can both read him and know his shit. I will venture a guess his brother knows I’m telling the truth. 

So, to any member of {D}'s family who is reading this and I think there is one, I really am sorry. I should not have done that and I've felt horrible about since it happened. The friend request though was an accident I was mass friend requesting and not paying attention. I didn't mean to drag it back up. I'm not sure why you're here, but feel free to reach out if you have questions. I'm not a horrible person, I'm fucked up, but not malicious. I make bad decisions. I had heard a lot about you for years and was so excited to meet you. I truly am sorry.