A Dog and a Whore II

I’m had a really rough day I don’t feel good my head hurts my nose is running. I have been doing a lot of work on the website. Make it more information about the actual issue at hand. I have been making little psa videos about relationship rape. Basically everything I wanted and needed to hear myself about this not being my fault and that you are allowed to say no. I hope one day some woman will see one and it will make her feel better or someone will see them and it will spark a change in the world. I’ve been working my ass off on it. I’m pretty proud of the work. I’m not a graphic designer or anything but the message is there. I think they’re pretty cool.

I am also working on a book. Don’t hold me to it we shall see if I finish it. I want to tell the story but also include academic research about the laws and statutes and societal beliefs regarding rape. It was still legal to rape your wife when I was in high school. That’s a bit messed up. Anyways I am looking at psych journals and stats and law. I’m a dork I love research.

It’s telling the story that is becoming the problem. I had a meltdown and a social media temper tantrum yesterday. I was on the second video in talking about that night. That’s the one where he told me he loved me while I screamed. I don’t know if I am ready for this yet. I lost it. So I was like I need a break from this right now, flipped over to the twitters. The first thing I saw was this post by the AG about how he is helping Nevadans by asking congress to pass a law about some mortgage lending junk mail basically. He and his office have the time and energy to make sure we know he is taking good care of us by makings sure we don’t get junk mail about mortgages. I don’t know why this set me off, but, alas it did. Like junk mail they have the time to do that but they won’t even call me back to give me some answers so I have some closure. I got so pissed and started sobbing. Fucking that is somehow more important? And I hear one more fucking word about thet bulldog, Reba and her new law and her abusers going to prison for felonies when a woman was raped on video. Like what is ever happening in the world. I don’t get it. I don’t understand why I’m so worthless.

I am I mean, I am. That’s life but god. It just pissed me off and I posted on every social media app. I went off on a rant. They don’t fucking care. They sure as hell don’t care about me. I’m nothing and everyone likes to make sure I know it. I was a little unhinged.

I think I need to slow down with this stuff. I haven’t even started to try to process whatever basic things that are still impeding my progress. I finally have a good diagnosis. I have disagreed with my psych diagnosis for years. My diagnosis before was bipolar which I’m depressed all the time the mania would be a nice change of pace of if I was actually bipolar. What they have diagnosed me with now is complex ptsd and that fits everything and the therapy works. I think I just pushing myself too hard. I don’t think I was ready for that depth of detail with cooccurring flash backs. I’m still not over this. I never will be. I want to go back and start over and not let this happen. I can’t though and I can’t figure out who I am anymore this isn’t me. I do miss me. I really do.

Anyways, I wrote to my congresswoman and senators. I don’t know why, they can’t do anything but, that was what was left of my elected officials. Not a single one of my elected official has bothered to write me back yet. Reba the bulldog got a new law and my legislators won’t return an email for me. I know I’m fucking nobody, but damn like some state legislator from hendertucky can’t send me a fucking email back? If I were a dog they would. My mom would too. I think that why I’m so pissed about the fucking dog mom not coming out because her dog was sick. The governor signed Reba’s law today for the dog. I need to stay off social media today so it doesn’t trigger me.

Here is my letter to Sen. Cortez-Mastro, Sen. Rosen, and Congresswoman Titus.

I havebeen begging for almost a year for someone in Nevada to explain why my rapist hasn't been charged. There is video evidence. You can hear me scream "please stop" over and over. You can see my body fighting to get away. It meets, and exceeds, the legal definition of rape in this state.

But no one has acted. Not the District Attorney. Not the Attorney General. No one.

Steve Wolfson looked me in the eye and said he could "prosecute men who rape prostitutes, but you stayed with him," If someone could explain the Violence Against Women Act to him, maybe he'd understand that staying doesn't cancel consent. That staying doesn't mean I deserved it.

My rapist was Nevada's Deputy Insurance Commissioner for Consumer Affairs. He was allowed to quietly resign after the videos surfaced. Then he was hired in Vermont as an Assistant Attorney General. He was fired as soon as they found out. He's now under investigation for disbarment there.

But here? In Nevada?
He was never even put in handcuffs.

I've tried to reach Attorney General Aaron Ford. The case was kicked to him. He hasn't answered me. He's been posting about mortgage law and data privacy while I scream into the void asking why I-a woman with footage of my own rape-can't get justice.

At least Wolfson was man enough to meet with me at first. I also found out he didn't watch the video before personality declining charges 3 times. I literally chased that man down a hallway with the video playing on full volume saying "what the matter Steve, you don't want to hear me scream?" Before he would watch it. He ran literally ran out of the room when he told me had never seen it. He warned me that if I turned it on the meeting would be terminated. I turned the video on. He ran. I was escorted out of the regional justice center. For playing the key piece of evidence in a criminal case that they had already decided on.

Ford won't even answer an email nor will his DAGs.

What in Gods name is happening in our judicial system here in the state?

Maybe they really do see me as nothing but a whore, like Wolfson said. But I'm not. I'm a woman. I was raped. And I deserve justice.

My rapist, was my boyfriend. He didn't just rape me once. At night, he would pin me down and force my legs open. He loved threatening me with murder-suicide. That man walks the streets, never having spent a second in custody.

I am tired. I am angry. And I am not going away.

Please, Congresswoman, I need your voice. Because they've made it clear they don't care about mine.

I'm not even asking you to pass a new law. The laws already exist. Rape is illegal. Rape on video is illegal. Saying no is supposed to mean no. I'm not here asking for legislation. I'm asking for enforcement. For basic justice. For someone-anyone-to decide that women are worth protecting even when the men who rape us wear suits and have titles.

So I'll ask you this, Congresswoman:
Are we ever going to enforce the laws we already have? Or are we just going to keep pretending they don't apply to women like me

Please I have nowhere left to go. Please help