Officially ensued

I am not sure what in gods name is actually happening anymore. There was this flurry of hits on the site, I have someone claiming to be another victim but the isp they came through was a private isp for a large company and it’s hitting other markers for {D}. But why are talking about the disbarment? {D} probably knows better than I as to what is happening with that.

Here in vegas there is some sort of minute hearing on my petition against the AGO and I have no earthly idea where to locate that so I can read it. And I think the judge approved the public notice for service on {D} and my hearing for that in august was vacated, but I can’t locate any of these documents in the system. Why the fuck didn’t I just fucking go to law school. For fucks sake.

One of the analytics has the AGO as being one of my many mysterious visitors on the site, like by name. I would have bet money on that one. But everything just chilled tonight by way of traffic to the website.

God I wish I knew what the hell was happening right now. This is beyond stressful. Like something is clearly happening but is that a good thing or a bad thing or something that amounts to nothing.

What kind of bureaucratic institutionalized gaslighting circle of hell am I in? Someone got Dante on speed dial? Is this treachery or limbo. I better fucking not still be in purgatory, but I’m fairly sure lust and wrath got us to where we are now.

This is a fucking clusterfuck is what it is. This is not the first or even like 5th time Carson City has creeped my page. It’s happened before, however, not for the hours upon hours being put into it right now. This seems serious, not one guy looking it over after lunch one day, people are relaying it through my own ip address and large scale isp proxies.

I also don’t know what initiated this. I know I pissed {D} off by telling his girlfriend the actual truth and he might have complained. I know I pissed the AGO off. I also know that I filed state complaints and had discussions with federal entities.

I’ve heard nothing from anyone I’ve filled complaints including the Ethics Commission. I am a little afraid I bit off more than I can chew, but this could also just be an intimidation tactic to make me pull back and stop.

I have someone’s attention. I have never wanted a lawyer more than I do right now. I need to find one to date so I get free legal advice. All the goddamn lawyers I've fucked and I don't have one when I need one. I feel like a marionette with no strings and no god simply flailing about. I’m really smart but I don’t actually know everything and I have relied heavily on chapgpt for my information.

I just want something to just happen. I don’t care what at this point. I mean I had 200 hits from {D}, the weird adult friend finder guy from Vermont, I sent a written complaint to the police. I have data coming out of my ass but I don’t know what any of it means and it is causing so fucking much stress on me. And there is no recourse. I can’t call the police and ask them to make them stop, I tried already they won’t even answer me.

This is why I was worried about filing the lawsuit. This is backlash and I don’t know if I can handle it emotionally. I am fucking trying. I’m really fucking trying.

This is just really hard to deal with right now. I want to look away but it’s like a fucking train wreck and I can’t. Chaos has officially ensued. I don’t have a clue what I’m doing. I shouldn’t be the one investigating this.

On one hand I wish I had never started this. I really do. I wish I could let it go. I can’t though because I keep listening to myself scream and beg. I don’t want to have to keep fighting though.

But if nothing comes of this particular month of clusterfuckery in my life I will be sorely disappointed. The 23rd of July has historically been a bad one for {D} what with firings and DUIs and whatnot  Here's hoping  

I just want something to shift or change or happen that can push me forward. Like push starting an old car. I don’t know how much more I can handle. Like the stress and the depression are bad enough without the wondering about the surveillance and what the actual fuck is happening with court and potential victims that may be the accused and who else is hiding where with the guy on the adult website.

This is fucking lunacy. I can’t submit though. I started it I have to finish it. But for fuck sake can it just be less confusing? And {D} please stop fucking with me, okay. You’re mad. I got it just stop fucking with me please for the love of god.