Someone is watching me....

So that’s the game now? The NYC shooter was suicidal — and you’re planning to frame me as a threat to Aaron Ford. Because I’m loud. Because I have a trauma history. Because I tried to kill myself. Because you think you can sell the idea that I’m “unstable” and maybe have, let’s say, a vendetta — not quite the word, but close enough — against the AG’s office.

Let me clarify a few things.

I spent five months doing nothing but therapy. I went inpatient. Then outpatient. I did full-day treatment. I take my meds. I’ve been doing the work.

Yes — in December, I tried to kill myself. I took pills and collapsed. I broke my teeth on the floor. You know who called the police? Me. I called 911 on myself. I was admitted to Seven Hills. Then I did outpatient there. I went back to work in March or April — I can’t even remember anymore. Now I’m doing telehealth therapy and still taking meds.

The point, as meandering as it may be, is that I’m seeking help. I’m healing. I am actively participating in the therapeutic process to deal with my trauma — which, let me remind you, is the crux of this entire fiasco.

It was the rape that broke me.

Let’s not forget that.

You want “crazy”? Why not look at the man who repeatedly threatened me with murder-suicide, who has a concealed carry permit, who is a diagnosed psychopath, and who drinks, I shit you not, 30 ounces of gin per day. He has been an out-of-control alcoholic for 45 years. He loses control. He is armed.

He is the threat.

Not me.

Him.

I have severe depression and complex PTSD — extremely common among trauma survivors. Not delusional. Not dangerous. Just… a reflection of what’s happened to me. I’ve told you about it from the beginning, because I knew you’d need to explain in court why I stayed with my rapist, if you ever actually charged him. That information was given to you — voluntarily — during the police interview. You knew. You’ve always known.

And yes, I tried to help you understand. I sent articles. Studies. Psychology journals. I’ve written my own pieces. I educated you. You ignored it. You always do. Here are thePSA Videos here is an article about thehistory of the law

Also, for the record:

I don’t own guns. I don’t want guns. I don’t allow them in my house. I’ve got an ex — a lawyer, not {D} — who will attest to that. I hate guns. I think they’re reckless and deadly and long overdue for national reform. I’ve done actual research on gun violence. I’ve visited the graves of every child killed at Columbine. I have binders full of gun laws, FBI reports, policy drafts I was working on a book about gun laws and school shootings as a historian. I would love to have a good deep conversation about gun laws  

I am a normal person.

Or at least as normal as someone can be after what I’ve been through.

I’m not a threat.

But isn’t that what a threat would say? I know that's what you're thinking. 

What I still don’t understand is what the hell you’re doing with all this information. What’s the end game?

I didn’t lose my mind because I’m unstable. I lost it because YOU didn’t charge him. That video broke me — but your silence kept me broken. I needed him in jail. I needed accountability. I needed help. And instead, I got ignored. That’s when I unraveled. That's when I got louder and louder. You won't even return an email, that's how little keeping me together means to you  

I am a shell of the person I once was. You did that. You did. You proud of yourself?

And now I sound like a lunatic because I keep saying the government is surveilling me — but you fucking are. This has become a comedy of errors so dense it’s fucking Shakespearean.

Also — I know my rights under the ADA. So best of luck trying to use my trauma against me. Keep wasting public money monitoring a woman on meds, in therapy, at home, on her computer, typing. Not harming anyone. Not threatening anyone.

But just know this:

The next mass shooter you are letting slip through the cracks while you hyper-fixate on me?

Those victims? Their blood will be on your hands.

Your mother must be so proud. Maybe you’re the one who is the real threat. Just look at the damage you've done to me, a rape victim. 

Here is a pre-made PowerPoint for your next meeting