Happy spooky day, motherfuckers! In addition to Halloween it is also Nevada Day! We like to show our state pride on this whatever-anniversary by dressing like hookers, because, well, it’s Nevada: the only place with legal prostitution, gambling, and nuclear waste. As you all know I am a huge fan of the state of Nevada, especially our elected officials. Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
Fuck Nevada.
Kids go without school lunches here. We’re 41st in crime because we let rapists go free. We’re 47th in K-12 education, probably because the nuclear waste affects the kids’ brains along with all the neon and cocktail waitresses. We’re 46th in adults with a high-school diploma. We’re 44th in affordability, 48th in home ownership, and housing costs are through the roof.
Our pedestrian death rate is one of the highest in the nation. Nevada ranks in the top 10 for traffic fatalities per capita.
But here is where we really shine. We are 5th in the nation in rape per capita—about 70 rapes per 100,000 residents. Only around 21 percent of reported sexual assaults result in an arrest. Nevada also has one of the highest rates of domestic violence in the country, with 44 percent of women reporting they have been victims of intimate partner violence.
In education, Nevada ranks 46th overall. Seventy-three percent of fourth graders can’t read at grade level and seventy-nine percent of eighth graders can’t do math at grade level. Nevada has spent years hovering between 48th and 50th in national education rankings.
So is this a great state or what?
Now let’s talk about Aaron Ford. As Attorney General of Nevada and wannabe governor. He’s supposed to protect the people, enforce the laws, and lead the state toward something resembling justice. But under Ford’s leadership, sexual assault victims are ignored, domestic violence remains rampant, and the state’s criminal justice system continues to fail women. Nevada ranks fifth in the nation for sexual assault, and yet barely one in five cases ever leads to arrest. Where is the outrage from the Attorney General’s Office? Where is the accountability?
Instead, Ford’s office plays politics while survivors are silenced and evidence is buried. He’s too busy managing his image to manage justice. When the state’s rape rate is among the worst in the country, when kids can’t read or add, when people can’t afford homes or walk safely down the street, it’s not just a policy problem—it’s leadership failure.
So happy fucking Nevada Day to the elected officials who have been entrusted with all the natural and, trust me, unnatural wonders this state holds. It’s like someone started a government based entirely on vice and debauchery...
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