Picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue

What a fucking day. I woke up to an email saying I’m unstable from {D}’s attorney. Yes, that’s the point. {D} raped me, and I had a fucking nervous breakdown. So yes, that’s the point of the lawsuit. Thank you for agreeing with me. She actually said unhinged—like it’s a medical diagnosis. Unhingivitis or Unhingeditious. Or in Latin, hingedus unus.

Meh. I’ve been called worse. Hell, I’m a terrorist and prostitute so far in this case.

Also, poor {D} was forced—FORCED—to move to Vermont with his girlfriend and a gimme job because of my evil ways. As I told the cops at one point before he got fired, I actually improved his life. He had his woman, was making more money, and was back in the courtroom again. He even said, quote, “It will be nice to see a jury again!”

You sure you want to see a jury now? It’ll be one of your own peers.

Basically, I told her I didn’t care if it went to trial. I want that. This is principle. I know they’re attorneys and have no soul, ethics, or the foggiest idea of what principle actually is—but this one’s cut and dry.

She bitched about the website and how I use his name and photo, and that I posted his address. I can’t find that, lady, because I never meant to do that. His name is always {D}, except where it’s left unredacted by the state. And those, I actually make sure aren’t crawlable, so if you Google him, my website won’t come up. I check about once a week to make sure. This is my place, not his.

Enough with that loser—let’s move on to the next thing that happened this morning: me getting a frantic call about some bitch who was OD’ing, from {R}, who had called the wrong number. I told him to call 911. I don’t know what happened, and I don’t want to know. He assured me the person is fine and apologized profusely for calling me.

Then I got to work, and it caught fire. They’re doing construction on one of the offices in the building. A minor incendiary incident took place, and three of us, in unison, said, “Do I have to cancel my notary session? Do I have to evacuate?”

We handle hundreds of notaries a day, in 27 states, and we were already behind because we’re down two notaries. So the lesson learned today: adults are harder to manage than children during fire drills.

And that was all before 10 a.m.

It’s been a day. To quote Airplane! — “Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.”