So it would appear I lost some readers from my post about knowing who is visiting and watching. Like Burlington ran for the exits, confirming what I already knew, I think. The girlfriend left, but it would appear they are on vacation actually. Which the idea of {D} on vacation pisses me the fuck off. He doesn’t deserve a vacation. I do. Fuck that guy.
I’m hoping it’s because the kids got married or something. That is the only excuse I will ever give him for ever being happy again in his life.
But I had seriously zero readers for a few days. You’re trickling back, but I definitely lost some people. Sorry, I guess. Like why the fuck are you even here? I don’t know. The whole thing was weird.
But now I don’t feel like I have to come up with something to write. I can just write when I want and not think about who is reading or when, or try to get finished before people go to bed or get up, or worry about just writing bullshit for the sake of doing so to keep you masses entertained.
And honestly maybe that’s better. Maybe that’s what this should have been all along. Not a performance. Not something timed to analytics. Not something crafted to hit the right audience at the right hour. Just me writing when I have something to say.
If people read it, they read it. If they don’t, they don’t. I’m not here to entertain anyone.
But this week I’ve had COVID. I officially scared off Rock and Roll Lawyer by telling him some of it. He said he really liked me but didn’t want to get caught up in my drama.
Like fuck you. Sorry I have court, bro. Sorry I have nightmares.
This whole thing is actually serving to exclude me from ever having a relationship. It’s too much drama, or they’re afraid I’m going to accuse them of something, or it’s too hard for them. Or they just don’t want to deal with a life that has court filings and trauma and all the shit that comes with fighting something like this.
Like can I find a man in the world who isn’t a pussy and deal with my world? Like fine, it’s not pretty and it sucks, but it will be over eventually.
Or it won’t.
Or maybe this is just my life now.
Maybe this is where I want to go with my life—fighting this injustice for others as well as myself.
That is actually the truth. I have yet to figure out how to do it. But this is my life’s work. Relationship rape has affected my life and my being so much, and I know others are out there who are going through it. People who are told it wasn’t rape because they were dating him. People who are told it wasn’t rape because they didn’t fight hard enough. People who are told it wasn’t rape because they stayed after, or talked to him again, or loved him at some point.
This is the bulk of sexual assault in the United States. Relationship rape. The kind that goes unreported, unprosecuted, and unconvicted because it makes people uncomfortable. Because people want rape to look like a stranger in an alley and not someone you trusted.
But it’s real rape.
And if one more man questions that or thinks that I’m going to turn them in for something, I swear I am going to lose it.
Brian 1 used to tell me to stop calling him an asshole. Every time he said that I would respond "stop acting like an asshole and I will stop calling you an asshole." The same goes for this, don't rape me and I won't report you for rape. Action---> consequence. Actions cause consequences. If you don't like the consequences don't do the action.
Sorry bro, this ain’t about you. If you rape me, I will beat your ass before I call the police. That’s what is going to happen to you.
But here is the deal.
If you stop when I say stop, or no, or beg—see, at that point I will be cool with you, because you didn’t rape me.
You have to rape me for me to react like that.
You have to ignore consent.
Your actions cause rape, not my history of reporting rape.
It’s pretty fucking simple.
Don’t rape people and you will never be accused of rape.
I tell you no, you stop.
Easy peasy.
And the fact that something this simple has to be explained, over and over again, to grown men and entire legal systems might be the most insane part of this whole story.
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