Well Stevie yelled at me. He wouldn’t respond all day. He just yelled and told me to stop texting. I’m kind of in tears.
I push too hard and whatever. I’m just worried about him. He’s been nothing but an asshole to me. Like, I shouldn’t have even been speaking to him after what he said last time.
That was a night. We had plans. I was supposed to be there at 8. At 7:30 he texts me not to come because he had just gotten laid. I was livid.
We had been texting and I asked him a few questions about things he knew about me. He said he didn’t know the answers. Like basics — where I’m from and how many kids I have. He had no idea. I became concerned that someone who had known me for years didn’t know me.
I was going to finally talk to him about it that night and possibly cut it off.
Him falling into some bitch’s vagina set me off because I was finally ready to man up and do it.
I told him I was coming over to get his bitch gone and we were going to chat. I believe my words were, “You’ve never seen me get my Irish up.”
I get there and she isn’t gone. I keep my cool and calmly ask this skanky-looking 60-year-old woman with dollar store skunk highlights to leave because I needed to talk to him. She wandered around for a little, then as she left she said maybe he would like me better if I wasn’t such a bitch. I called her a cunt and said something about her leathery pussy.
Then the fight started. He started in on how he didn’t want me and I kept trying to say that wasn’t even my concern at this point. I wanted to know if he ever knew me or wanted to know me. His answer was silence.
I replay in my head often when he threw up his hand like only an Italian man does and said, “Why would anyone ever want a relationship with you?!”
He left me alone the night of my diagnosis. Didn’t even text me back.
He sat there while I had a fucking neurological event on his couch and did nothing.
I don’t know what I have ever seen in him and I tried to tell myself this while I was on the floor in the bathroom. He actually told me which door it was. Like I hadn’t been there a million times before.
He said I was texting too much and he was working and he was going to figure it out himself. He is functionally illiterate. Best of luck.
It hurts because I’ve always fucking been there for him. I have always had his best interests at heart. I’m the only one who remembers his sober birthday and keeps him away from the shit that will fuck him up. I’m the only real friend he has.
Fine. I’m pushy and obnoxious when I really need to be. Don’t make me be pushy and obnoxious and we don’t have a problem.
I let myself get my hopes up last night. I was going through possible outcomes. Stevie and I getting together finally. Then I kept reminding myself who he was. They don’t change. He’s never wanted me. I kept trying to tell {D} that but he never listened.
I don’t know. I’m going to give him a day and try again just to make sure it happens.
It doesn’t matter. I’ve invested 8 years in this man. I’m going to see this through. I’m here for him if he needs it. I’m that person. And if he is about to go through this, he needs someone like me on his side. Not people who have been ignoring it and not knowing what to do about it.
Perhaps I just shouldn't. Fuck him.
im having severe chest pains. Like a fucking truck is on my chest. My head has been throbbing since yesterday and I'm just feeling shitty. I might go to the ER
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