I just sent a text. I had kind of written {S} off and frankly he doesn’t deserve it. But I wished him a happy sober birthday. I always remember every year for like the past 8 I think.
Remembering his sober birthday has cost me dearly. I’ve lost relationships and just gotten so much shit. So why bother? Because I promised. I lost both Rich and {D} over it. The former being so much more important than the latter.
It’s been a wild week. Just so much shit going on. I had someone rob me. That sucked because I’m fucking broke and he cleared out my entire account. Ran into another who, well he needs help. I wish I could help him. But he is also a dick so I should stay away.
The lack of air conditioning got me out of the house but put me into so much danger. I suppose that is on me. I need to start being around better people than I am. Randoms are random for certain. You never know what you’re going to get.
This is the break. This is when the phone rang. This is when my life went to retro land and I ended up on the bathroom floor in a very familiar place.
Ring ring, it’s {MD}. When I first moved here me and {MD} taught middle school together. He was regular 6th grade English, I had the 6th grade sped class. He was a short bald fat little fuck and no one liked him. He and I hit it off. We would hang out. We watched Phish shows on YouTube all the time. He was fucking nuts. He will turn on you in a hot second but he was also my weed hookup before it was entirely legal here.
We were constantly fighting. He reminded me of the time I threw a drink in his face at the work Christmas party. I remember I was just going to punch him. I ended up sleeping with the assistant principal that night then {MD}. It was a very bizarre night.
Anyways it was just a lot of weird shit and we have kept up on and off. I hadn’t talked to him since 2020. He had gotten fired. Drug van. And he was off the fucking rails. I hung out with him all day and I told him he needed to get help. He was going to have some problems very soon.
Well apparently he listened to me. He’s back in New York. He went pretty quickly after I told him to.
I was with Rich at that point and Rich didn’t like me texting {MD} so, when Zoe turned my phone off one day and I got a new phone, Rich asked me to change my number so I did.
I was just randomly researching people and I looked him up a couple weeks ago and we texted a little. Then I hadn’t really heard from him but he texted me the other day and he kinda called out of the blue this evening. We talked for like 3 hours about the old days and Trump and the world and what’s going on in our lives including my crazy.
English teacher to the end he told me to keep writing. It will make me feel better.
In the middle of the phone call I got a text.
It was {S}. He and I haven’t spoken in a year. I was surprised he responded. He was surprised I remembered. We texted first a little, me still on the phone. He said he didn’t think he would hear from me. Then I asked him his favorite question: “wanna fuck?”
I talked to {MD} for another hour then headed over to {S}’s place. He lives 7 minutes away and he is actually why I decided to live here so it would be a quick drive to his place. That’s the only reason I moved here.
{S}’s sober birthday has been a thing for years. From the old days at the townhouse. We used to end up fucking on the stairs because we couldn’t make it up before we had to. It was his 50th birthday and I told him happy birthday and he said it wasn’t his real birthday. That his sober birthday was his real birthday. But no one remembered. No one ever remembered. I promised him that night I would always remember for him. And I have consistently for like 7 years.
I thought about it this time. I almost didn’t and I did do it a day late because of my week of weird and strange. I saw the date today and went “oh shit I missed it” and I texted him.
I went over and he was talking about his shoulder. He has a chronic shoulder thing. He’s a fucking card dealer from fucking Jersey so the shoulders go out. I give spectacular massages and I could usually get his shoulder straightened out.
So I went over and we talked. Well I found out what happened and why he was such a dick to me and everything. He was back on drugs. I had told him to stay away from that shit and that it can grab you and take you. It sure as shit took me. I warned him. I fucking warned him. But experience and understanding from past mistakes — he realized it was too much. And he quit. I’m so proud of him.
When I was having my problems with drugs, I would stay away from him. I didn’t want him in that environment.
What had happened May 15, 2014 was {S} was partying at his house with some friends. His friend ended up dying on the floor in front of the fireplace. He went to rehab that day.
He did great for years but you can only dabble so long when you’re an addict before something grabs you. I always paid attention to addiction because my mom was an alcoholic and so is my sister so I know how easy it is. So I never drank much. I didn’t want to be an alcoholic. I was always careful because I know I have the genetic propensity to be an addict.
Addicts are addicts whether drugs or shopping or sex. It’s the thrill. It’s the serotonin and dopamine bursting in your brain. That’s what you’re looking for. That’s what you’ll give anything for. And that is how it gets you.
{S} said he was using every day and he had about 8 people he could call. There was some thought about getting high.
We were both kind of saying it without saying it. We both wanted to. I went back and forth on it. I reminded him of the time he wanted me to come over because he was making soup. I was fucked up and I almost went and then I told him I respected his sobriety too much to be with him in that state. I refused to go over.
I finally said out loud, “this is a really hard decision. No it’s not. I am a better person than this and so are you. I’m not doing it.”
We moved over to the couch. I started rubbing his shoulder and I saw it. Band-Aid.
He has had shoulder pain for years. He also doesn’t have insurance. He lost his insurance because he doesn’t show up to work enough hours to qualify. Like he never goes to work.
Under that Band-Aid is a growth. I have been rubbing his shoulder for fucking like 5 years. It started out as like a blackhead. I wanted to pop it. Then it grew some more into like a whitehead. Then it got a little weirder last time I saw it.
I put it together while rubbing his shoulder and it’s fuck melanoma and the pain and he’s now having pain in the lymph nodes. It has to be skin cancer and it’s spread.
He doesn’t have insurance.
I told him to go get his fucking laptop and we would get on the exchange. He said he would do it tomorrow. I told him he had to. I think he may be broke because he said it wasn’t the money he was concerned about. And he just spent $1000 to see Phish at the Sphere.
I told him I was going to be up his ass until he gets a biopsy. So tomorrow, we start sending texts. I think I’m going to go research after I’m done here.
I was adamant.
I then also spent a good hour on the bathroom floor because that man has the strongest fucking weed ever. I used to puke every fucking time. I have passed out twice. I have no idea where he gets this shit. His dad used his condo as a grow house for a bit. He had moved out after his friend died. It was like 2020 when he moved back.
He was so sad when he went back there. Like it was just dark and heavy. Then he decided to remodel the whole place after the shower went out one day. I got there and he had obviously taken something and the handle broke off and there was water spraying everywhere but you couldn’t turn the fucker off. So both fully dressed in the shower with like pliers and fucking vice grips trying to make the water stop. Turns out it was in the fucking wall when he called his buddy to come fix it for him.
So they tore out the wall. And so it began, the remodel. I take credit for most of the design. He did some colors that were a great concept but he needed a better eye to pick out the color on a few things. Nothing I couldn’t really fix with the color grout.
Everything went ass backwards. It was a couple of years. The kitchen went first then the bathroom was actually last. But the whole place was painted and all the rewiring from his dad’s grow house was fixed. Full top to bottom remodel of every room including baseboards and doors.
It was finally finished a little over a year ago or more. His friend who had been doing the work moved to New Hampshire to join a commune. It was also the guy who died’s brother.
He said when he was at the Phish show the bartender gave him like a $200 round for free. The bartender’s name was the same as the friend. He ran into them at an after show. It made him start thinking about the day.
I didn’t ask him what his new sober birthday is.
So I ended up on the floor in the bathroom because too much weed. My life flashed before my eyes. I was back in the before time. I was just remembering everything. {D} and {S} are so intertwined in my life. I was remembering both of them.
I started thinking about the future. Alternative realities that are plausible. Like {S} having like stage 4 cancer and dying. He is so thin. If he wants me there, I stay with him as long as he needs. He has family though so not expecting that. But I thought about that. {C}’s girlfriend died of skin cancer and he is just hateful of the world and existence and is pissed he is not dead. So I am worried.
I also feel there is a weird fucking inside joke here. Like honest to god, you got me in the center of this. A romantic rival to the deputy insurance commissioner gets skin cancer and dies due to lack of insurance. Or he gets treatment and his life is saved because he didn’t know about the exchange and I told him about it tonight. Because I know a lot about the exchange and one of my readers works there. Like yo, this is a great insurance story.
Sometimes I feel like my entire life accidentally turned into one long insurance industry fever dream.
It’s like bizarre insurance agent porn or something. And {R}? He had an office at one point. He rented an office out of an insurance agency. They obviously didn’t know he had like a handyman side gig. The drugs deputy insurance commissioner {D} did that night? Came from an insurance agency. I shit you not.
Hopefully we will save his life with some insurance. I looked it up, it’s between 600-1100 per month. Yikes. Well he has money. Dealers make more than lawyers here in Vegas. God I hope it's not too late. I should have said something sooner.
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