All Boobs Are Good

{D} I say this for all the women of my hometown. Try to leave without raping anyone there. Just not in my state. We have real laws there, despite the rapist-in-chief.

Todd, were you scared, disgusted, or did you get caught?

What's the matter toots, you didn't my commentary about your boytoy? Barely read it  

and Burlington where the fuck are you  you're not allowed to have better things to do  

I was looking at yesterday’s post, and I remembered when I told {S} about {D} and me.

It was that first Monday night. {D} and I had agreed to other-partner Mondays. {D} did at one point mention that I used it more often than he did. Then he lied about not having sex with anyone else so I would stop fucking Stevie because he was jealous.

Anyways, I was all excited when I told {S}, and I’m literally performing oral on this man on his couch while pausing to tell the story every once in a while. I would come up for air and spit out a sentence or two like an overly excited 4 year old, then back at it.

And I told him that {D} had told me he loved me.

Then back at it.

I came up for air, looked {S} dead in the eye, and said:

“No, dude, you don’t understand. That would have been like if you said that to me!”

Then back down I went.

That is just a weird, fucked-up story.

No wonder {S} was so pissed at me.

Like, he had actually sat like like a week before that night and cried and told me he hadn't been ready before, and I kick myself because he probably was finally ready, and I fucked it all up.

I don’t know if that’s true or not, and it’s going to haunt me for the rest of my life.

I could have had {S} if I just hadn’t fallen for {D}’s bullshit.

The really fucked up part is that I was in love with both of them. And I lost them both. And I got scarred for life in the process. The fairness of that when {D} got his pick and was the one who did the scarring to me. 

I still don't know who I would have picked in that moment. If both options were laid before me? If I could have either, who would I have chosen in the moment? Things that will haunt me until I die I guess.

The bodybuilding millionaire is back  I'm just going to settle I think.  I mean I could do worse, right? He's hot  he's not very bright and incredibly narcissistic. He paid someone to teach him how to install Chome as his default browser. Why are all rich people stupid? How do they get millions of dollars? I will never fucking understand that. Go Trojans. Jesus. He can just be dumb and hot and keep his mouth shut. 

Anyways, this fucking visit with my dad is almost over. And we have LawyerBoy coming in to pinch hit for me and take some of the pressure off.

My dad has just been complaining about everything about me. Up my ass about the job situation and how my apartment isn’t clean enough and how I need to do this and that, and it’s just… shut up.

Like, I’m handling this by talking to myself and telling him off out loud BEFORE I see him. It gets it all out.

Today’s frustration wasn’t too bad. He just bitches about everything simply to bitch.

We were discussing freeways, and I happened to have taken a class in grad school about the development of the modern city and urban sprawl, particularly the trails of the path of least resistance across the country during settlement and western expansion. Those geological contours developed into trails, then trains, then roads, and expanded from there. Crossroads became urban centers, and roads became the modern freeways, born from a train track and a Sears catalog.

He argued with me about how bad traffic is in Baltimore since the bridge collapsed and everyone has to use the tunnels. I was like, case in point: terrain, waterways, geological contours, and the path of least resistance formed our city streets.

Then he started bitching about the $250 bill.

Then we went into which state had the most dishonest lawyers: Texas, New York, or Florida. I voted Florida because I know a guy…

I am currently sending LawyerBoy pictures of my boobs to convince him to show up tomorrow. My boob fell out of my shirt so I took pictures. That's what normal people do, right? We broke up because he called my boobs ugly. But he has since assured me that all boobs are both good and welcome. I remain skeptical, but the negotiations are ongoing. 

Whatever. It’s Friday night. I have places I could be. But I’m at home.

Tomorrow we’re seeing a Rolling Stones cover band at the Horseshoe. That will be a three-hour discussion about paying for parking on the Strip.