I had a conversation with {D2} where I shared the sound proof room story. I scared him off. C’est la vie. He doesn’t understand my rationale for anything that happened in 2023 and 2024. Fair. But what about them? What the men?
I have throughout this whole ordeal been the one questioned. Why didn’t I leave? Why didn’t I go to cops? Why would I be in a relationship with him? Why didn’t I go to the hospital? Why?
No one has asked {D} a motherfucking thing. Police didn’t interview him. Nobody questions him and his motives.
No one questioned the metaphysical crystal who built a sound proof room in a storage unit then took a woman he had been texting with no reply for four fucking years when she finally said yes to him. He didn’t think that would be a problem or make me feel unsafe.
What about the porn producer I tried to help. Who only wanted to help the little girl he went there to rape in a sting operation. You know he and I talked and I told him about my history and he used it on me. What about him? Why is no one saying he did something wrong to me?
What about the guy who unzipped his pants, pulled out his cock and fought me while I drove to make me stroke his dick. Why? Oh because I was nice enough to offer him a ride home after group therapy. Why did he do that to me? What about him.
What about Tim? What about him demanding a blow job when I had prestated I didn’t want to. It condition of me even coming over. What about him? Why would he first lie, second tear me down emotionally by telling me I owed him for listening to my bullshit. Why did he keep going as I sobbed and vomited on his dick. Whose fault was that, mine or his?
Where is the demand for answers from these men who have hurt me? Why do I have to explain my actions which ironically are explained by my trauma history of men doing shit like that to me? Where is their accountability? Why is it on me?
I’m crazy so it can’t be real, right? I’m unhinged so it’s my fault. Can’t possibly be the man’s fault. I should have know the screaming and begging would turn him on more, right? Why didn’t I think of that? Wait. I did and then {M} joined in.
The truly disappointing thing is that these men are never going to be held accountable. Because I’m the one who is crazy, not them.
I’m the one who got help. I’m the one who went to rehab. I’m the one who had beg her dad for money once a week to buy groceries and tampons for months while I spent my days in intensive therapy so I could recover from what these men did to me. I’m the one who did the right thing. I am. And I’m the one being investigated and surveilled.
How is that fair?
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